The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their
family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and
said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the
doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come to. ."
"Oh, no need
to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of
babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to
me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on
the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub? Living room floor?
No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can
guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I
shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the
results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in
my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five
minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his
briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the
top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And
these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so
difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had
to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around
four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes,"
the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was
constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness
approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began
nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your uh . . .
equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my
tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod?" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use
a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting
ready for action. Madam? Madam?.
Good Lord, she's fainted!"