Heart Attack

An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage ... he had a heart attack.

The doctor advised him to cut out sex to prolong his life.

He went home, and he and his wife discussed the matter at length, and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs, to save them both from temptation.

One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex wasn't worth living for, and so he headed upstairs.

He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming up to die."

She laughed and replied. "I was coming down to kill you."

Hearing Aids

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Health Plan

A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital. She walks past a room where a man is vigorously masturbating.

The intern asks the doctor, "Why is that man doing such a thing in the open?"

The doctor replied, "Oh, he has a medical condition where the sperm build up quickly in his body. He has to jack off constantly or he will explode."

The intern says, "Oh, I see."

They walk past another room where the intern sees a man lying on a stretcher getting a blow-job from a nurse.

This time she asks the doctor, "What's with that?"

The doctor replies, "Same condition, better health care plan."