Three Tough Mouse

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass into the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies. "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and fuck the cat."

Two Mice in a Bathroom

Two mice were sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub. The first mouse looks over to his friend and, referring to the toilet, asks, "Wanna go for a swim?"

The second mouse quickly replies. "Oh, no! I'm never going in there again!!!"

"Well, why not?" says the first mouse.

"Well," starts his friend, "I was in there about a week ago swimming around and minding my own business and all of a sudden it got real dark, it started raining, it started thundering, and if somebody wouldn't have thrown me a log, I would have drowned!"