A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything
seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life.
"Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The wife ain't all
that interested anymore, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to
pick-up and bed at least three
girls, none of whom were over thirty years
old."
"My goodness Frank, and at your age too." the doctor said. "I hope you took
at least some precautions."
"Yep. I may be old, but I ain't senile yet doc. I gave 'em all a phony name."
Arse Eye
A few days before his proctological exam, a one-eyed man accidentally
swallowed his glass eye.
He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed his instructions, undressed and bent over.
The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's butt was that glass eye staring right back at him!
"You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed his instructions, undressed and bent over.
The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's butt was that glass eye staring right back at him!
"You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
An Overweight Blonde
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she
should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her
lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds.
She then phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds.
She then phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
Aids or Alzheimer
A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me that
my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
A Quick Fix
An elderly couple were at home when the wife called out "So, when are you
going to the doctor"
"I told you, I'll go when I feel like going."
After 3 months of nagging, the old man finally walked into the doctors office. "Doc," he said,
"This is embarrassing, but I'd like to get a prescription for Viagra."
"Not a problem," said the doctor, as he started writing out the prescription. The old man, however, interrupted him "Doc, I forgot to tell you I need each the pills cut into four pieces."
"I know they are expensive pills," said the doctor, "but you have to take the entire pill if you want it to work properly"
"You don't understand," said the old man. "I am almost 90 years old and I haven't had sex in more than ten years. I only want it to stick out a little so when I pee, I don't pee all over my shoes."
"I told you, I'll go when I feel like going."
After 3 months of nagging, the old man finally walked into the doctors office. "Doc," he said,
"This is embarrassing, but I'd like to get a prescription for Viagra."
"Not a problem," said the doctor, as he started writing out the prescription. The old man, however, interrupted him "Doc, I forgot to tell you I need each the pills cut into four pieces."
"I know they are expensive pills," said the doctor, "but you have to take the entire pill if you want it to work properly"
"You don't understand," said the old man. "I am almost 90 years old and I haven't had sex in more than ten years. I only want it to stick out a little so when I pee, I don't pee all over my shoes."
A Musical Discovery
A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little
practice in before the final exams.
He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing "On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . . "
The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.
"Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.
"On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . . "
"So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.
"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student.
"Are you kidding?" replied the Examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."
He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing "On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . . "
The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.
"Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.
"On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . . "
"So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.
"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student.
"Are you kidding?" replied the Examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."
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