One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said,
"You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask
me?"
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."
The Messy Nurse
The nurse was walking down the hospital corridor when her supervisor spotted
her. The supervisor couldn't believe it:
The nurses hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform!
"MISS JENNINGS! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed!"
"Oh," said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, "It's those darn interns! They NEVER put anything back when they're through using it!"
The nurses hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform!
"MISS JENNINGS! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed!"
"Oh," said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, "It's those darn interns! They NEVER put anything back when they're through using it!"
Tennis Elbow
A guy goes to see the doctor about a sore elbow. When he gets in, the doc
tells the man about a new machine he has where all he has to do is pee in a cup
and the machine will tell him what's wrong.
So the man gives the urine and the doctor puts it into the machine and it says that he has tennis elbow. The man was amazed. On his way out the nurse gave him another cup and said that if he had any more problems that he could just pee in the cup and drop it by the doctor's office and they would take care of it.
Well a couple of days passed and the guy decided to fool the doctor and his new fancy machine. So he got his daughter to pee in the cup, then he got some motor oil off the dipstick on the car then he masturbated into the cup. he stirred it up real good and took it to the doctor.
The doctor put the sample into his machine and told the man to wait outside. It took about an hour before the doctor came back.
He said "sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news." the man said "tell me doc I can handle it." The doctor replied," well your daughter is pregnant, your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don't quit masturbating you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow!"
So the man gives the urine and the doctor puts it into the machine and it says that he has tennis elbow. The man was amazed. On his way out the nurse gave him another cup and said that if he had any more problems that he could just pee in the cup and drop it by the doctor's office and they would take care of it.
Well a couple of days passed and the guy decided to fool the doctor and his new fancy machine. So he got his daughter to pee in the cup, then he got some motor oil off the dipstick on the car then he masturbated into the cup. he stirred it up real good and took it to the doctor.
The doctor put the sample into his machine and told the man to wait outside. It took about an hour before the doctor came back.
He said "sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news." the man said "tell me doc I can handle it." The doctor replied," well your daughter is pregnant, your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don't quit masturbating you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow!"
Tapeworm
A fellow walks into his doctor's office, complaining that he thinks he might
have a tapeworm. The doctor makes a physical examination and listens to the
symptoms, and concurs with the self-diagnosis.
"I want you to come back tomorrow, to start treatment. And bring a banana and a cookie with you" said the doctor.
Despite the seemingly odd request, our hero complies, and returns the next day with a banana and a cookie. The doctor says "Okay, now drop your pants and bend over. This is going to hurt a bit."
Although leery about the turn of events, the patient drops his pants and bends over. The doctor peels the banana and with one deft motion rams it up the guy's ass. While the doctor consults his watch, our hero dances around the room shouting at the doctor.
"Okay, one minute is up, and we have to complete the second part of the treatment if your truly want to get rid of this tapeworm" advises doc. Despite the pain, the patient does want to be cured, so complies with the order to bend over again. Again, the doctor takes the cookie and rams it up the patient's ass.
"Okay, tomorrow I want to see you here at the same time, and bring another banana and a cookie" says the doctor. The now humbled patient, with tears of pain in his eyes, nods his head.
Next day, the same routine ensues. First the doctor rams up a banana, waits exactly one minute, then rams up a cookie.
And the next day, and the next day and the next!! Every day UP goes a banana, wait one minute, then UP goes a cookie.
After one full week of treatments, the doctor finally says "Well, tomorrow is the LAST day of treatments. I want you to bring in a banana and a hammer."
"Not a cookie?" asks the very frightened patient, trying to imagine what a hammer was going to feel like. "Nope, a hammer" confirmed the doctor.
The last day the doctor says "Okay, you know the routine". So the man drops his pants and bends over. UP goes the banana, and the doctor looks at his watch and picks up the hammer. One minute passes. Then two minutes. Three. Four minutes pass. Then a little head pokes out the patient's ass and says "WHERE'S MY DAMN COOKIE!?!?"
::::: WHAM :::::
"I want you to come back tomorrow, to start treatment. And bring a banana and a cookie with you" said the doctor.
Despite the seemingly odd request, our hero complies, and returns the next day with a banana and a cookie. The doctor says "Okay, now drop your pants and bend over. This is going to hurt a bit."
Although leery about the turn of events, the patient drops his pants and bends over. The doctor peels the banana and with one deft motion rams it up the guy's ass. While the doctor consults his watch, our hero dances around the room shouting at the doctor.
"Okay, one minute is up, and we have to complete the second part of the treatment if your truly want to get rid of this tapeworm" advises doc. Despite the pain, the patient does want to be cured, so complies with the order to bend over again. Again, the doctor takes the cookie and rams it up the patient's ass.
"Okay, tomorrow I want to see you here at the same time, and bring another banana and a cookie" says the doctor. The now humbled patient, with tears of pain in his eyes, nods his head.
Next day, the same routine ensues. First the doctor rams up a banana, waits exactly one minute, then rams up a cookie.
And the next day, and the next day and the next!! Every day UP goes a banana, wait one minute, then UP goes a cookie.
After one full week of treatments, the doctor finally says "Well, tomorrow is the LAST day of treatments. I want you to bring in a banana and a hammer."
"Not a cookie?" asks the very frightened patient, trying to imagine what a hammer was going to feel like. "Nope, a hammer" confirmed the doctor.
The last day the doctor says "Okay, you know the routine". So the man drops his pants and bends over. UP goes the banana, and the doctor looks at his watch and picks up the hammer. One minute passes. Then two minutes. Three. Four minutes pass. Then a little head pokes out the patient's ass and says "WHERE'S MY DAMN COOKIE!?!?"
::::: WHAM :::::
Swollen Dick
A young man goes to a doctor for a physical examination.
When he gets into the room, the man strips for his exam. He has a dick the size of a little kid's little finger.
A nurse standing in the room sees his little dick and begins to laugh hysterically.
The young man gives her a stern look and say, "You shouldn't laugh, it's been swollen like that for two weeks now!"
When he gets into the room, the man strips for his exam. He has a dick the size of a little kid's little finger.
A nurse standing in the room sees his little dick and begins to laugh hysterically.
The young man gives her a stern look and say, "You shouldn't laugh, it's been swollen like that for two weeks now!"
Suppository
A man was constipated. It was serious, so he decided to go to the doctor.
The doctor said, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll put one in now and I'll give you another one for later."
The man goes home and starts feeling sick again. He asks has his wife to put a suppository in.
She puts one hand on his shoulder and sticks the suppository in. "AAAAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed. His wife asks him, "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"
"No, I just realized that the doctor had both of his hands on my shoulders!"
The doctor said, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll put one in now and I'll give you another one for later."
The man goes home and starts feeling sick again. He asks has his wife to put a suppository in.
She puts one hand on his shoulder and sticks the suppository in. "AAAAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed. His wife asks him, "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"
"No, I just realized that the doctor had both of his hands on my shoulders!"
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