A man went to his doctor and told him of his extremely active sex life, he
said he had a wife, several mistresses, masturbated frequently, and had wet
dreams every night.
The Doctor asked which he liked the best.
He Replied, "Wet dreams...you meet a much higher class of people in
them."
Visiting a Doctor Friend
A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt
to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room.
But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there."
"No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to the poisons."
But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there."
"No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to the poisons."
Vasectomy
Charlie wanted a new birth control method and his doctor suggested a
vasectomy. Charlie agreed and the doctor said he could perform the operation in
his office. At a crucial moment during the procedure one of Charlie's testicles
fell to the floor, and the nurse, who was wearing high heels, accidentally
stepped on it and crushed it.
[Standard operating procedure.]
However, the doctor noticed a jar of pickled onions on his nurse's desk. Taking an onion, and realizing it was the right size and weight, he placed it in Charlie's scrotum and completed the operation.
[Standard operating procedure.]
A few months later Charlie returned for a check up. When the doctor asked how things were going, Charlie replied. "Pretty good, Doc. At least my wife's not pregnant, but there are some strange side effects. Every time we make love, my wife gets heartburn; when I pee my eyes water; and whenever I pass a hamburger stand, I have an erection.
[Standard operating procedure.]
However, the doctor noticed a jar of pickled onions on his nurse's desk. Taking an onion, and realizing it was the right size and weight, he placed it in Charlie's scrotum and completed the operation.
[Standard operating procedure.]
A few months later Charlie returned for a check up. When the doctor asked how things were going, Charlie replied. "Pretty good, Doc. At least my wife's not pregnant, but there are some strange side effects. Every time we make love, my wife gets heartburn; when I pee my eyes water; and whenever I pass a hamburger stand, I have an erection.
Vasectomy
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said,
"You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask
me?"
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."
The Messy Nurse
The nurse was walking down the hospital corridor when her supervisor spotted
her. The supervisor couldn't believe it:
The nurses hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform!
"MISS JENNINGS! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed!"
"Oh," said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, "It's those darn interns! They NEVER put anything back when they're through using it!"
The nurses hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform!
"MISS JENNINGS! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed!"
"Oh," said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, "It's those darn interns! They NEVER put anything back when they're through using it!"
Tennis Elbow
A guy goes to see the doctor about a sore elbow. When he gets in, the doc
tells the man about a new machine he has where all he has to do is pee in a cup
and the machine will tell him what's wrong.
So the man gives the urine and the doctor puts it into the machine and it says that he has tennis elbow. The man was amazed. On his way out the nurse gave him another cup and said that if he had any more problems that he could just pee in the cup and drop it by the doctor's office and they would take care of it.
Well a couple of days passed and the guy decided to fool the doctor and his new fancy machine. So he got his daughter to pee in the cup, then he got some motor oil off the dipstick on the car then he masturbated into the cup. he stirred it up real good and took it to the doctor.
The doctor put the sample into his machine and told the man to wait outside. It took about an hour before the doctor came back.
He said "sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news." the man said "tell me doc I can handle it." The doctor replied," well your daughter is pregnant, your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don't quit masturbating you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow!"
So the man gives the urine and the doctor puts it into the machine and it says that he has tennis elbow. The man was amazed. On his way out the nurse gave him another cup and said that if he had any more problems that he could just pee in the cup and drop it by the doctor's office and they would take care of it.
Well a couple of days passed and the guy decided to fool the doctor and his new fancy machine. So he got his daughter to pee in the cup, then he got some motor oil off the dipstick on the car then he masturbated into the cup. he stirred it up real good and took it to the doctor.
The doctor put the sample into his machine and told the man to wait outside. It took about an hour before the doctor came back.
He said "sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news." the man said "tell me doc I can handle it." The doctor replied," well your daughter is pregnant, your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don't quit masturbating you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow!"
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