The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed
them on to her daughter. "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she
advised. "You should always wear something."
"Yes Mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were
preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity
in your family?"
"Not that I know of." she answered. "Why?
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that
silly hat to bed."
After the Honeymoon
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back,
the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well," said her mother, "so - how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!
You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... words like:
DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK..."!
"Well," said her mother, "so - how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!
You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... words like:
DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK..."!
A Golfing Injury
A guy went out golfing and took a high-speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he dropped to the ground. When he finally got himself to the
doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc?
I'm getting married next week, and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and taped it all together; a pretty impressive piece of work.
The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before." He tore off his pants and said, "Honey, look at this, still in its original crate!"
I'm getting married next week, and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and taped it all together; a pretty impressive piece of work.
The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before." He tore off his pants and said, "Honey, look at this, still in its original crate!"
A Farmer and his New Bride
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon
pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said,
"That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do." The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do." The farmer said, "That's once."
A Canadian and Iraqi and an Israeli
Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together one
day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you
each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
The Iraqi was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels, Christians or Jews, can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Iraq.
Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out."
Izzy says, "Fill it up with water."
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
The Iraqi was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels, Christians or Jews, can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Iraq.
Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out."
Izzy says, "Fill it up with water."
3 Nationals go Hunting
An American, Italian, and a Polock go hunting.
American goes out, when he comes back he got a nice buck. "How'd you do that?" the other two asked. "He said "I followed the tracks and got this buck"
Italian goes out comes back with an identical buck and when confronted by the Polock he has the same answer as the American.
The Polock goes out, it gets late the other two start worrying, and he finally comes back all battered and bloody all broken bones.
The two ask, "What the hell happened?" He answers "I followed the tracks and got hit by a train."
American goes out, when he comes back he got a nice buck. "How'd you do that?" the other two asked. "He said "I followed the tracks and got this buck"
Italian goes out comes back with an identical buck and when confronted by the Polock he has the same answer as the American.
The Polock goes out, it gets late the other two start worrying, and he finally comes back all battered and bloody all broken bones.
The two ask, "What the hell happened?" He answers "I followed the tracks and got hit by a train."
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