A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding
night.
As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his
pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."
She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear
your pants," she said.
"That's right!!" said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who
wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!"
She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until you change
your attitude..."
Because it's Lent
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into
a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to
find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent!"
Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well,...that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" "To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent!"
Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well,...that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" "To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"
Always Wear Something
The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed
them on to her daughter. "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she
advised. "You should always wear something."
"Yes Mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of." she answered. "Why?
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."
"Yes Mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of." she answered. "Why?
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."
After the Honeymoon
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back,
the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well," said her mother, "so - how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!
You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... words like:
DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK..."!
"Well," said her mother, "so - how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!
You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... words like:
DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK..."!
A Golfing Injury
A guy went out golfing and took a high-speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he dropped to the ground. When he finally got himself to the
doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc?
I'm getting married next week, and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and taped it all together; a pretty impressive piece of work.
The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before." He tore off his pants and said, "Honey, look at this, still in its original crate!"
I'm getting married next week, and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and taped it all together; a pretty impressive piece of work.
The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before." He tore off his pants and said, "Honey, look at this, still in its original crate!"
A Farmer and his New Bride
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon
pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said,
"That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do." The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do." The farmer said, "That's once."
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