The newlyweds were suffering from exhaustion and after an examination, their
doctor advised, "It's not unusual for young people to overdo things during the
first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want
you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an "r" in them. That
is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday."
Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate
difficulty following the medico's orders. But on the first night of scheduled
rest the young bride found herself eager as a beaver. Hubby fell asleep, but she
tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse into partial wakefulness.
Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, "What day is it
honey?"
She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, "Mondray."
Confession Before Marriage
On their way to Vegas to get married, a wife-to-be confesses to her guy that
the reason they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat-chested.
If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is OK with her.
The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles further down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession that he has a penis just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is OK with him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.
They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married.
On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes; she is as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.
After she became conscious, the guy asked, "I told you before we got married. Why did you still faint?"
The girl said, "You told me it was just like a baby!"
The guy replied, "It is -- 8 pounds and 21 inches!"
The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles further down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession that he has a penis just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is OK with him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.
They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married.
On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes; she is as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.
After she became conscious, the guy asked, "I told you before we got married. Why did you still faint?"
The girl said, "You told me it was just like a baby!"
The guy replied, "It is -- 8 pounds and 21 inches!"
Can't Get Into
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding
night.
As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."
She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.
"That's right!!" said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!"
She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until you change your attitude..."
As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."
She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.
"That's right!!" said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!"
She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until you change your attitude..."
Because it's Lent
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into
a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to
find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent!"
Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well,...that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" "To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent!"
Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well,...that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" "To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"
Always Wear Something
The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed
them on to her daughter. "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she
advised. "You should always wear something."
"Yes Mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of." she answered. "Why?
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."
"Yes Mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of." she answered. "Why?
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."
After the Honeymoon
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back,
the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well," said her mother, "so - how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!
You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... words like:
DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK..."!
"Well," said her mother, "so - how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!
You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... words like:
DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK..."!
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