The wedding date was all set and the groom's three pals --a carpenter, an
electrician, and a dentist-- were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on
their wedding night.
The carpenter decided that he would saw most of the way through the slats of
their bed.
The electrician figured that wiring the bed with alternating current would
give them a few chuckles.
The dentist would not tell what he had done, but wore a sly grin and swore
that it would be memorable.
The wedding and reception went as planned. A few days later, each of the
groom's three friends received a letter:
Dear friends,
We did not mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a
minor setback. But, I swear before God Almighty, I am going to hunt down and
kill whoever put Novocain in the K-Y Jelly."
Wedding Night
On their wedding night, a young couple finally retired to their hotel room.
After making her preparations, the bride left the bathroom to find the
bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man.
"I'll take care of that," she replied. "You better pray for endurance."
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man.
"I'll take care of that," she replied. "You better pray for endurance."
Wedding Bribe
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom quietly slipped the pastor a $100
bill.
"Reverend," he whispered, "I'd be mighty obliged if you'd just happen to forget the part where I promise to love, honour, obey and be faithful to my wife forever."
The time came for the groom's vows during the actual wedding service.
The pastor looked the young man in the eye, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally, before God and your lovely wife, that you will never so much as look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped, looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
As a hymn was being sung, the furious groom leaned toward the priest. "I thought we had a deal," he hissed.
The pastor gently pressed the $100 bill into the young man's palm and whispered, "She made me a much better offer."
"Reverend," he whispered, "I'd be mighty obliged if you'd just happen to forget the part where I promise to love, honour, obey and be faithful to my wife forever."
The time came for the groom's vows during the actual wedding service.
The pastor looked the young man in the eye, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally, before God and your lovely wife, that you will never so much as look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped, looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
As a hymn was being sung, the furious groom leaned toward the priest. "I thought we had a deal," he hissed.
The pastor gently pressed the $100 bill into the young man's palm and whispered, "She made me a much better offer."
Valentine's Card II
One of my neighbors sure learned a lesson last year on Valentine's Day. He
gave this card to his wife extolling her virtues, beauty,and charm; said how
lucky he was to have her; that he didn't deserve such a good woman.
Seems the more she thought about it, the more she agreed with him.
She left him before the end of the month.
Seems the more she thought about it, the more she agreed with him.
She left him before the end of the month.
Valentine's Card
Last year my wife said all she wanted for Valentine's Day was "the card." I
picked out a real expensive one and thought the matter closed.
She got mad with me anyway.
Turns out the card she wanted was her own Visa Platinum.
How in the hell am I supposed to know what it's called!
She got mad with me anyway.
Turns out the card she wanted was her own Visa Platinum.
How in the hell am I supposed to know what it's called!
Preacher at the Party
A local preacher was paying a visit to one of his church members on a Friday
night, and heard a loud party as he approached the house. He knocked on the door
and the owner answered.
Behind him, he saw a circle of naked men, with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling each man's package, and guessing who it was. The preacher, seeing this, said "I'm sorry. I don't think I'd fit in here right now."
"Nonsense," the man replied. "Your name's been called three times already."
Behind him, he saw a circle of naked men, with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling each man's package, and guessing who it was. The preacher, seeing this, said "I'm sorry. I don't think I'd fit in here right now."
"Nonsense," the man replied. "Your name's been called three times already."
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