There was a rabbi that comes out of his church every morning in New York to
sweep up the sidewalk before mass begins.
Every day he runs into the same police officer walking his same beat. And
every morning the police officer mutters some kind of ethnic slur at the Rabbi.
"Dumb Jew," one morning.
"Stupid Kike," the next morning.
Finally, after months of insults, the cop finally stops and says to the
rabbi, "Hey, you Jews do your own circumcisions right?"
The rabbi replied, "Why yes we do."
"Ok," the cop says, "so what do you do with all the skins that are left
over?"
"Well, it's relatively simple. After we've performed the circumcision, we
take the foreskins and put them into a shoebox. After that we bury them in the
ground and wait."
"Now what the hell do you do that for Rabbi?"
The rabbi turns to the cop and says, "Well we wait for them to grow into big
dicks, and then send them to New York to be cops!"
A minister, a Priest and a Rabbi
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot.
They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake.
Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."
Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."
A Drunken Man
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the
confessional box. He opens the door, sits down and says nothing.
The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts.
Growing impatient, the priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts.
Growing impatient, the priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
A Drunk Man & the Priest
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half
empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his
newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does".
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does".
A Confession
A man is driving down the road and sees a nun hitchhiking in the rain. He
pulls his car over and offers the nun a ride.
The nun appears very grateful and says, "Thank you for giving me a ride, I wish there was some way to repay you for your kindness."
The man, feeling a bit amorous, tells her,"Well actually, I'm kind of a lonely guy, and, well, you could repay me with a little bit of sex."
The nun then answers, "Well you were very kind to offer me a ride, but I must retain my vow of celibacy, so would you mind if I performed oral sex instead?"
The man agrees and upon completion of the deed he tells the nun, "I have a confession to make, I am a married man and I have just committed adultery."
The nun replies, "That's OK, I have a confession to make, too.My name is Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party."
The nun appears very grateful and says, "Thank you for giving me a ride, I wish there was some way to repay you for your kindness."
The man, feeling a bit amorous, tells her,"Well actually, I'm kind of a lonely guy, and, well, you could repay me with a little bit of sex."
The nun then answers, "Well you were very kind to offer me a ride, but I must retain my vow of celibacy, so would you mind if I performed oral sex instead?"
The man agrees and upon completion of the deed he tells the nun, "I have a confession to make, I am a married man and I have just committed adultery."
The nun replies, "That's OK, I have a confession to make, too.My name is Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party."
3 Nuns & 4 Cucumbers
Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day.
They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that they were four for a dollar.
The nuns said agreed to purchase Four.
The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them.
A nun answered back, "Well, we could always eat one."
They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that they were four for a dollar.
The nuns said agreed to purchase Four.
The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them.
A nun answered back, "Well, we could always eat one."
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