A guy walks into a brothel and tells the madam he wants six girls for the
evening. The next morning the madam informs the gentleman that there will be no
charge. Very happy, he leaves.
A few days later he returns, and again tell the madam that he would like six
girls for the evening. In the morning the madam presents him with a bill for
$1,000.
Confused the man asks, "I don't understand, on Tuesday it was free."
"That's right," replies the madam, "but on Tuesdays we're on cable."
Sex with a Racing Car Driver
The racing-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and
took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked
him in the face.
"What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.
"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my tits and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"
"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.
"Nothing, but then you felt my pussy and yelled, 'who the hell left the garage door open?'"
"What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.
"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my tits and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"
"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.
"Nothing, but then you felt my pussy and yelled, 'who the hell left the garage door open?'"
Sex Styles
Dentists do it orally
Cops do it with cuffs
DJ's do it on request
Truckers do it in the road
Soldiers do it under orders
Detectives do it under cover
Australians do it Down Under
Zoologists do it with animals
Gardeners do it in the bushes
Gas attendants Pump all day
Firemen do it with a big hose
Frank Sinatra does it his way
Engineers do it to specification
Garbagemen cum twice a week
Chess players check their Mates
Ambulance drivers come quicker
Pianists touch, tickle, and titillate!
Housewives do it for an allowance
Jockeys gallop hard and finish fast
Mountain Climbers like to be on top
Waiters and waitresses do it for tips
Accountants do it with Double Entry
Landlords do it every 1st of the month
Acupuncturists do it with a small prick
Travel Agents do it in lots of different places
Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure
Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers
Pizza delivery men come in 30 minutes or it's free
Bankers do it with interest, Bartenders do it on the Rocks
Watch out for tennis players - love means nothing to them!
Cops do it with cuffs
DJ's do it on request
Truckers do it in the road
Soldiers do it under orders
Detectives do it under cover
Australians do it Down Under
Zoologists do it with animals
Gardeners do it in the bushes
Gas attendants Pump all day
Firemen do it with a big hose
Frank Sinatra does it his way
Engineers do it to specification
Garbagemen cum twice a week
Chess players check their Mates
Ambulance drivers come quicker
Pianists touch, tickle, and titillate!
Housewives do it for an allowance
Jockeys gallop hard and finish fast
Mountain Climbers like to be on top
Waiters and waitresses do it for tips
Accountants do it with Double Entry
Landlords do it every 1st of the month
Acupuncturists do it with a small prick
Travel Agents do it in lots of different places
Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure
Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers
Pizza delivery men come in 30 minutes or it's free
Bankers do it with interest, Bartenders do it on the Rocks
Watch out for tennis players - love means nothing to them!
Screaming for More
Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet young thang at
the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn
near a nymphomaniac.
After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.
On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn't find "it".
After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said, "Look, it's ok. She's not here!"
After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.
On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn't find "it".
After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said, "Look, it's ok. She's not here!"
Put Out or Get Out
A fellow with a slight speech impediment and a lower-than-room-temperaure IQ
was talking to his friend about his problems getting laid.
He said, "You know, I can't get me no g-g-girls." His friend said, ''Well, you about a stupid fart! Don't you have lots and lots of money?" He said, "Yeah, I got the m-m-m-money. I just can't g-g-get no g-g-g-girls." His friend said, "Well, it's easy! Just use some of that money of yours and buy a boat! Women LOVE boats! You get a girl to go for a ride on your boat, you take her 50 miles out, you take the keys out of the ignition, and you say, "Put out or get out." The slow fellow said, "Sound like a good idea to me!"
He bought him a nice boat. On the first day, he had the boat moored where everybody could see it. A girl came walking by. He said, Y-Y-You wanna go for a boat wide?" She stopped for a look at the boat. He said, "That's my boat out there. Uh-huh, it is. Wanna go for a wide?" She thought he was a little weird, but she loved boats. She went with him. He took her 50 miles out, took the keys out of the ignition, and said, "Put, put, put out, put it all out, or get out." She figured she didn't have much choice. She dropped her little bikini bottom, and he ran over and got some.
The next day he tried it again. A girl came by, and he said, "Honeeee! That's my boat out there. Wanna go for a boat wide?" She figured "What the Hell?" She went. He took her 50 miles out, grabbed the keys, and said, "Put, Put out or get, get out," she decided that it was better than drowning, and she dropped her little swimsuit and let him have it.
By the third day, he was cocky. He'd gotten it twice in two days. There was no stopping him. A girl wearing a bikini made of less cotton than there is in the top of an aspirin bottle walked by.
He said, "Hey, Bitch! That's my boat out there! Wanna go for a wide? Don't make no difference to me!" She figured she had nothing to lose. She went. He took her 50 miles out, snatched the keys, and said, "P-P-Put out or g-g-get out!"
She grinned, took off her bottoms, and STINK! It stank up the whole ocean. He said, "Never mind, and don't get none of that on me!" She pulled her little gun out of her little purse, put it to his head, and said, "Eat it or get out!"
At this point, his friend asked, "What did you do?" The little guy asked, "You didn't hear about no fool drowning out there, did you?"
He said, "You know, I can't get me no g-g-girls." His friend said, ''Well, you about a stupid fart! Don't you have lots and lots of money?" He said, "Yeah, I got the m-m-m-money. I just can't g-g-get no g-g-g-girls." His friend said, "Well, it's easy! Just use some of that money of yours and buy a boat! Women LOVE boats! You get a girl to go for a ride on your boat, you take her 50 miles out, you take the keys out of the ignition, and you say, "Put out or get out." The slow fellow said, "Sound like a good idea to me!"
He bought him a nice boat. On the first day, he had the boat moored where everybody could see it. A girl came walking by. He said, Y-Y-You wanna go for a boat wide?" She stopped for a look at the boat. He said, "That's my boat out there. Uh-huh, it is. Wanna go for a wide?" She thought he was a little weird, but she loved boats. She went with him. He took her 50 miles out, took the keys out of the ignition, and said, "Put, put, put out, put it all out, or get out." She figured she didn't have much choice. She dropped her little bikini bottom, and he ran over and got some.
The next day he tried it again. A girl came by, and he said, "Honeeee! That's my boat out there. Wanna go for a boat wide?" She figured "What the Hell?" She went. He took her 50 miles out, grabbed the keys, and said, "Put, Put out or get, get out," she decided that it was better than drowning, and she dropped her little swimsuit and let him have it.
By the third day, he was cocky. He'd gotten it twice in two days. There was no stopping him. A girl wearing a bikini made of less cotton than there is in the top of an aspirin bottle walked by.
He said, "Hey, Bitch! That's my boat out there! Wanna go for a wide? Don't make no difference to me!" She figured she had nothing to lose. She went. He took her 50 miles out, snatched the keys, and said, "P-P-Put out or g-g-get out!"
She grinned, took off her bottoms, and STINK! It stank up the whole ocean. He said, "Never mind, and don't get none of that on me!" She pulled her little gun out of her little purse, put it to his head, and said, "Eat it or get out!"
At this point, his friend asked, "What did you do?" The little guy asked, "You didn't hear about no fool drowning out there, did you?"
Pierre, the French Fighter Pilot
Pierre, a French fighter pilot, took his girlfriend, Marie out for a pleasant
little picnic by the river Seine. It's a beautiful day and love was in the air
so Marie leaned over to Pierre and said, "Pierre, kiss me!"
So our hero grabbed a bottle of red wine and splashed it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" shrieked Marie.
"Well, my name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have red meat I like to have red wine!"
His answer was good enough for Marie and things began to heat up. So she said, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero ripped off her blouse, grabbed a bottle of white wine and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre, what are you doing?!"
"My name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have white meat I like to have white wine!"
They resumed their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leaned over once more and softly whispered into Pierre's ear, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Pierre tore off her underwear, grabbed a bottle of Cognac and sprinkled it all over her groin.
He took a match and lit it on fire.
Patting the flames out furiously, Marie screamed, "PIERRE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!?"
"My name is Pierre, the French Fighter Pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames!"
So our hero grabbed a bottle of red wine and splashed it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" shrieked Marie.
"Well, my name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have red meat I like to have red wine!"
His answer was good enough for Marie and things began to heat up. So she said, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero ripped off her blouse, grabbed a bottle of white wine and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre, what are you doing?!"
"My name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have white meat I like to have white wine!"
They resumed their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leaned over once more and softly whispered into Pierre's ear, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Pierre tore off her underwear, grabbed a bottle of Cognac and sprinkled it all over her groin.
He took a match and lit it on fire.
Patting the flames out furiously, Marie screamed, "PIERRE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!?"
"My name is Pierre, the French Fighter Pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames!"
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