Guy goes to a whorehouse and asks for something really exotic. The madam says
go down the hall to the last rooms on the left. He strolls down to the room and
goes in.
In the room he discovers a huge fat girl, but he thinks, what the hell. So
they strip naked and get in the bed. First thing the fat gal does is sit on his
face and cuts a big old fart. He says,
"What the hell is that?"
She says, "That is a tropical breeze blowing in your face."
He thinks, well OK. Next thing the big old whore does is stand up and start
to piss all over him and he yells, "What the hell is that for?"
She says, "That's the tropical rain falling on you."
He thinks OK. Then she starts getting wound up and starts beating him on the
head with her big titties. He says, "What the hell now?"
She says, "Those are coconuts falling out of the palm trees."
The guy gets up and starts getting dressed and the old whore says, "Where you
going?" He says, "I don't know about you honey, but I can't fuck in this kind of
weather."
Three Old Ladies Playing Bridge
Three old ladies were sitting around playing bridge when one of them, Edna
says," You know ladies, I'm having a real problem getting my husband interested
sexually."
So Mary pipes up and says, "Edna, listen, you know what I do? When my husband gets home from work, I strip him down and rub him all over with exotic oils. Works every time!"
So Dorothy jumps in and says, "No no Edna. Don't listen to Mary. Before my husband gets home from work, I get completely naked and get on my bed and pull my legs back behind my head. When he walks in, INSTANT erection."
So Edna, after contemplating both idea, decides to go with Dorothy's suggestion.
That night, before her husband gets home from working the late shift, Edna strips naked, hops onto her big 4-poster bed and struggles for about half an hour trying to get her legs back behind her head.
Just as she gets her feet behind her ears, in walks her husband. "Perfect timing", Edna thought, when her husband says," Jesus Christ Edna! Comb your hair and put in your teeth, you look like an asshole!"
So Mary pipes up and says, "Edna, listen, you know what I do? When my husband gets home from work, I strip him down and rub him all over with exotic oils. Works every time!"
So Dorothy jumps in and says, "No no Edna. Don't listen to Mary. Before my husband gets home from work, I get completely naked and get on my bed and pull my legs back behind my head. When he walks in, INSTANT erection."
So Edna, after contemplating both idea, decides to go with Dorothy's suggestion.
That night, before her husband gets home from working the late shift, Edna strips naked, hops onto her big 4-poster bed and struggles for about half an hour trying to get her legs back behind her head.
Just as she gets her feet behind her ears, in walks her husband. "Perfect timing", Edna thought, when her husband says," Jesus Christ Edna! Comb your hair and put in your teeth, you look like an asshole!"
The Peep Show
Jack is one horny guy and is not sure what to do about it. He reaches into
his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. Jack walks down the street to the
local brothel and knocks on the door.
The madam opens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him. "I'm really horny but I only have $5. What can you do for me?", Jack asks the madam. She looks over this fellow and tells him, "Don't worry we can take care of you. No problem".
She leads Jack into a room, and there is a chicken in the corner. Jack thinks about this a second and figures it can't be that bad. He gives the madam the $5 and she closes the door behind her.
Jack undresses and has the time of his life. When he's done he can't remember when he has had such a pleasurable experience.
One week later, and horny again, Jack has saved up $10. Being a satisfied customer he goes back to the same madam and asks what she can do for him for $10.
"Well, for $10 we have a special show", the madam replies. She leads him into a different room where there are several other people sitting on benches. "Sit back and enjoy the show, Jack", the madam tells him. Jack gives the money to the madam and takes a seat.
Soon after, the lights dim and the blinds open revealing another room on the other side of a two way mirror where two women begin to undress each other. Jack is very impressed. Clearly these women are unaware anyone is watching as they begin to make love to each other passionately. Apparently there is nothing they won't do to each other.
Jack once again feels like he is getting his money's worth. He turns to the person beside him and says, "This is a pretty good show for ten bucks eh?!".
The guy turns to Jack and says, "That's nothing... last week we saw a guy fuck a chicken".
The madam opens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him. "I'm really horny but I only have $5. What can you do for me?", Jack asks the madam. She looks over this fellow and tells him, "Don't worry we can take care of you. No problem".
She leads Jack into a room, and there is a chicken in the corner. Jack thinks about this a second and figures it can't be that bad. He gives the madam the $5 and she closes the door behind her.
Jack undresses and has the time of his life. When he's done he can't remember when he has had such a pleasurable experience.
One week later, and horny again, Jack has saved up $10. Being a satisfied customer he goes back to the same madam and asks what she can do for him for $10.
"Well, for $10 we have a special show", the madam replies. She leads him into a different room where there are several other people sitting on benches. "Sit back and enjoy the show, Jack", the madam tells him. Jack gives the money to the madam and takes a seat.
Soon after, the lights dim and the blinds open revealing another room on the other side of a two way mirror where two women begin to undress each other. Jack is very impressed. Clearly these women are unaware anyone is watching as they begin to make love to each other passionately. Apparently there is nothing they won't do to each other.
Jack once again feels like he is getting his money's worth. He turns to the person beside him and says, "This is a pretty good show for ten bucks eh?!".
The guy turns to Jack and says, "That's nothing... last week we saw a guy fuck a chicken".
That's no Ring
A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She was
immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked. The petting increased
and he put his hand in her panties.
She seemed to be enjoying his progress, but suddenly objected, "Ouch! That ring is hurting me!"
"That's no ring! That's my wristwatch."
She seemed to be enjoying his progress, but suddenly objected, "Ouch! That ring is hurting me!"
"That's no ring! That's my wristwatch."
Spread the Legs Farther
A young couple were banging away like there was no tomorrow, when the boy
stopped and asked the girl to spread her legs farther apart, which she eagerly
did, anticipating more of his enthusiastic vigor. Instead, he timidly asked her
to spread her legs even farther apart.
She said, "Why? What are you trying to do, ram your balls inside me?"
"No. I've already done that. Now I am trying to get them back out."
She said, "Why? What are you trying to do, ram your balls inside me?"
"No. I've already done that. Now I am trying to get them back out."
Small Organ
A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and after a few drinks they went home
together.
After some more drinking and talking, they got undressed and climbed into bed.
After a few minutes, the girl started laughing.
The fellow asked her, "What's so funny?"
"Your organ," she laughed, "It's a bit on the small side!"
He shot back acidly, "Well, it's not used to playing in cathedrals."
After some more drinking and talking, they got undressed and climbed into bed.
After a few minutes, the girl started laughing.
The fellow asked her, "What's so funny?"
"Your organ," she laughed, "It's a bit on the small side!"
He shot back acidly, "Well, it's not used to playing in cathedrals."
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