Potential and Reality

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."

Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two millions bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."

Making a Sandwich

A woman and her little boy were walking through a park in New York and they pass two squirrels having intercourse. The little boy asks his mom, "Momma, momma, what are they doing?" The lady responded, "They're making a sandwich."

Then they pass two dogs having intercourse and the little boy again asks what they were doing. His mother again replied they were making a sandwich.

A couple of days later the little boy walks in on his mother and father and said " Mommy, Daddy, y'all must be making a sandwich because, Momma has Mayonnaise all over her mouth!!!"

Lost Dad

A little lad was lost in a vast crowd at the football stadium,

A policeman saw him crying and asked him what was wrong. "I've lost my dad" he whined, the policeman looked about.

Then said to the boy, "what's he like"

The lad replied "Beer and women"

Like Father Like Son

Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls."

The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

Letter to GOD USA

A little boy wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:

Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted $95.00.

Lawyer in the Cemetery

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.

On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"