Oldie

A 90-year old man announces his intention to marry a woman of 30.

He is persuaded to have a medical exam first. "Everyone tells me I need a checkup to see if I'm sexually fit", he says to the doctor.

"O.K.", says the medic, "let me see your sex organs."

So the old guy sticks out his tongue and his middle finger.

New Diet

This woman has tried every way she can think of to lose weight and nothing has worked, so finally she overcomes her embarrassment and asks her doctor for help.

"I may have the solution", says the doctor. "It's a new diet, just approved--for two weeks you can have any food you want but instead of eating it, you must take it rectally." He assures the woman that she can survive this treatment and that she should lose all her extra weight doing it. He also tells her to come in for a checkup at the one-week mark.

She shows up a week later and the doctor, after examining her, says "The diet is working, and
I see no complications--but I will have to refer you to a specialist for your leg problem."

"What leg problem, Doctor?", she asks.

"Well, I noticed you were walking abnormally..."

"Oh that...that's just my bubble gum..."

Mental Patients II

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. James, you records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home." he said. "I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."

Mental Patients

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.

The nurse asks him, "Charlie what are you doing?"

Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!"

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how you doing?"

Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago"

"Great," replied the nurse.

The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room and finds Bob sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously. With surprise she asks, "Bob what are you doing?"

Bob says.."I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

Medical Condition

Two professors were walking through the park one day when they spotted a man with a peculiar walk. It looked as if he had a severe limp on his right leg. Naturally, they started to discuss what his problem might be.

One of them insisted on it being a problem with the mans spine, but the other one said it had to be his hip.

Since they couldn't agree upon the issue they decided to walk up to the man and ask him.

"Excuse me", one of the professors said, -"but we couldn't avoid seeing your strange walk, and we can't agree upon which one of us has the correct diagnosis. I believe it's a problem with your spine, and my colleague here insists upon it being your hip. Please, tell us which of us is correct."

"Well," the man replied -"I guess all three of us were wrong....I believed it was only gas...."

Medical Appointment

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.


A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"