There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy
costume party.
Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no
shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature
ejaculation." said the man "I just came in my pants!"
Emotion Party
A man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to
bring their friends. On the invitation he puts "Theme Party - Come dressed as a
Human Emotion".
On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy". The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink".
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts.
He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she replies,
"I'm tickled pink". The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party".
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys from New York, stark naked, with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "Gee, guys, what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?"
The first guy replies, "Well, I'm fucking discustad, and my friend here has come in despair.
On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy". The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink".
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts.
He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she replies,
"I'm tickled pink". The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party".
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys from New York, stark naked, with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "Gee, guys, what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?"
The first guy replies, "Well, I'm fucking discustad, and my friend here has come in despair.
Certificate for her Birthday
A fellow was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my
wife for her birthday. She has everything. Besides, she can afford to buy
anything she wants so I'm stumped."
His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex any way she wants it? She'll probably be thrilled."
So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy says, "Well, did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," replies the fellow.
"Did she like it?"
"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll be back in an hour.'"
His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex any way she wants it? She'll probably be thrilled."
So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy says, "Well, did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," replies the fellow.
"Did she like it?"
"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll be back in an hour.'"
A new Pair of Boots
A young man bought a new pairs of boots of which he was very proud so he
decided to go dancing and give them a try.
After dancing with one lady for a few minutes he said, "I bet you I can guess the color of your panties."
"O.K.", she replied, "what color do you think they are?"
"Blue", he replied.
"How did you know that?" she asked?
"I saw the reflection in my shiny new boots", he said.
"Here," she said, "dance with my sister and tell me what color she has on".
After dancing a while the young man started rubbing he toes on his pant cuffs and started to dance again.
After a few minutes he ask the new lady, "What color panties do you have on, I can't seem to make them out."
To which she replied, "I don't have any panties on."
With a sigh of relief the young man said, "Oh good, for a minute I thought I had a crack in my new boots."
After dancing with one lady for a few minutes he said, "I bet you I can guess the color of your panties."
"O.K.", she replied, "what color do you think they are?"
"Blue", he replied.
"How did you know that?" she asked?
"I saw the reflection in my shiny new boots", he said.
"Here," she said, "dance with my sister and tell me what color she has on".
After dancing a while the young man started rubbing he toes on his pant cuffs and started to dance again.
After a few minutes he ask the new lady, "What color panties do you have on, I can't seem to make them out."
To which she replied, "I don't have any panties on."
With a sigh of relief the young man said, "Oh good, for a minute I thought I had a crack in my new boots."
25th Anniversary
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th
anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband,
"When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband,
"When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
Worn Out
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing
what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long.
Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's that?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's that?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
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