One of my neighbors sure learned a lesson last year on Valentine's Day. He
gave this card to his wife extolling her virtues, beauty,and charm; said how
lucky he was to have her; that he didn't deserve such a good woman.
Seems the more she thought about it, the more she agreed with him.
She left him before the end of the month.
Valentine's Card
Last year my wife said all she wanted for Valentine's Day was "the card." I
picked out a real expensive one and thought the matter closed.
She got mad with me anyway.
Turns out the card she wanted was her own Visa Platinum.
How in the hell am I supposed to know what it's called!
She got mad with me anyway.
Turns out the card she wanted was her own Visa Platinum.
How in the hell am I supposed to know what it's called!
Preacher at the Party
A local preacher was paying a visit to one of his church members on a Friday
night, and heard a loud party as he approached the house. He knocked on the door
and the owner answered.
Behind him, he saw a circle of naked men, with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling each man's package, and guessing who it was. The preacher, seeing this, said "I'm sorry. I don't think I'd fit in here right now."
"Nonsense," the man replied. "Your name's been called three times already."
Behind him, he saw a circle of naked men, with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling each man's package, and guessing who it was. The preacher, seeing this, said "I'm sorry. I don't think I'd fit in here right now."
"Nonsense," the man replied. "Your name's been called three times already."
Halloween Costume
A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days.
The husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to
wear.
When he comes home that night he goes to the bedroom where there laid out on the bed was a Superman costume.
The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear."
The next day the wife not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work once more and there laid out on the bed was a Batman costume.
He again yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party."
By this time the wife is irate, so the next morning she goes shopping.
When the husband comes home again from work there laid out on the bed are three items.
One is a set of three white buttons, another is a white belt, and the third item is a 2 x 4 of wood.
The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "You can take your clothes off and take the three white buttons and put them on the front of you and go as a domino, and if you don't like that one, you can take the belt and put it on and go as an Oreo cookie, and if you don't like that one, you can stick the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesickle
When he comes home that night he goes to the bedroom where there laid out on the bed was a Superman costume.
The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear."
The next day the wife not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work once more and there laid out on the bed was a Batman costume.
He again yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party."
By this time the wife is irate, so the next morning she goes shopping.
When the husband comes home again from work there laid out on the bed are three items.
One is a set of three white buttons, another is a white belt, and the third item is a 2 x 4 of wood.
The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "You can take your clothes off and take the three white buttons and put them on the front of you and go as a domino, and if you don't like that one, you can take the belt and put it on and go as an Oreo cookie, and if you don't like that one, you can stick the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesickle
Grass Sandwich
At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to
dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
Fancy Costume
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy
costume party.
Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation." said the man "I just came in my pants!"
Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation." said the man "I just came in my pants!"
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