Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.
They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said,
"Watson, look up. What do you see?
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it
mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
Got all the Equipment
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to
fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.
The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, 'Is this guy blind, or what?'
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true....but you have all the equipment..."
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.
The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, 'Is this guy blind, or what?'
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true....but you have all the equipment..."
Five Doctors go Hunting
Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general
practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a
pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was
the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.
"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity.
"Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
"Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity.
"Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
"Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
Chased by the Bear
Once there were these two backpackers who see a bear begin to charge them so
one backpacker takes off his hiking boots and puts on running shoes.
His companion says, "you'll never outrun the bear, why are you putting those on?"
The guy with the running shoes replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."
His companion says, "you'll never outrun the bear, why are you putting those on?"
The guy with the running shoes replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."
Bear with me
Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a
small brown bear and shot it. As the sound of the rifle shot faded away, there
was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a big black bear. The black
bear said, "You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have
sex."
Frank decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, where he found the black bear and shot it. As the sound of the rifle shot faded away, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly, and shot it. He felt sweet revenge. As the sound of the rifle shot faded away, there was a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Frank decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, where he found the black bear and shot it. As the sound of the rifle shot faded away, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly, and shot it. He felt sweet revenge. As the sound of the rifle shot faded away, there was a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Wedding Night Prankers
The wedding date was all set and the groom's three pals --a carpenter, an
electrician, and a dentist-- were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on
their wedding night.
The carpenter decided that he would saw most of the way through the slats of their bed.
The electrician figured that wiring the bed with alternating current would give them a few chuckles.
The dentist would not tell what he had done, but wore a sly grin and swore that it would be memorable.
The wedding and reception went as planned. A few days later, each of the groom's three friends received a letter:
Dear friends,
We did not mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But, I swear before God Almighty, I am going to hunt down and kill whoever put Novocain in the K-Y Jelly."
The carpenter decided that he would saw most of the way through the slats of their bed.
The electrician figured that wiring the bed with alternating current would give them a few chuckles.
The dentist would not tell what he had done, but wore a sly grin and swore that it would be memorable.
The wedding and reception went as planned. A few days later, each of the groom's three friends received a letter:
Dear friends,
We did not mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But, I swear before God Almighty, I am going to hunt down and kill whoever put Novocain in the K-Y Jelly."
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