A woman had a pet skunk which was a devoted pet to her for years.
One day the skunk died. The woman didn't know what to do at first, as she
lived in an apartment and she had no place in the yard to bury her pet. So she
decided to give the pet a proper burial out in the country.
She didn't have a car, so she planned on taking a bus to the edge of town,
then walking from there to some good site.
She got on the bus and sat down behind the driver. About this time, the skunk
wasn't keeping too well, so the woman held the skunk at arm's length.
The driver noticed the smell right away, but he kept on driving for several
blocks. He next opened the window, but that didn't help.
Finally, he pulled the bus to the curb, and turned around, and said: "Will
the woman with rhe stinking pussy please get off the bus?"
14 women got off.
Sheep Fries
There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farmhand working with him to
help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farmhand
took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.
"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"
The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper.
This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.
On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farmhand was and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell!
"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"
The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper.
This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.
On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farmhand was and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell!
Randy the Rooster
This farmer had about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wanted chicks. So he
went down the road to the next farmer and asked if he had a rooster.
The other farmer said, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got, no problem."
Well, Randy the rooster was a lot of money, but the farmer decided he'd be worth it. So, he bought Randy.
The farmer took Randy home and set him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a peptalk, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money, and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.
Randy seemed to understand so the farmer pointed toward the henhouse and Randy took off like a shot. WHAM! He nailed every hen in there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer was just shocked.
Randy ran out of the hen house and saw a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He got all the geese. Randy was up in the pigpen, he was in with the cows. Randy was jumping on every animal the farmer owned.
The farmer was distraught, worried that his expensive rooster wouldn't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer went to bed and woke up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob, stone cold, in the middle of the yard.
Buzzards were circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal, shook his head and said, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Randy opened one eye, pointed toward the sky and said, "Shhh...buzzards."
The other farmer said, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got, no problem."
Well, Randy the rooster was a lot of money, but the farmer decided he'd be worth it. So, he bought Randy.
The farmer took Randy home and set him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a peptalk, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money, and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.
Randy seemed to understand so the farmer pointed toward the henhouse and Randy took off like a shot. WHAM! He nailed every hen in there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer was just shocked.
Randy ran out of the hen house and saw a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He got all the geese. Randy was up in the pigpen, he was in with the cows. Randy was jumping on every animal the farmer owned.
The farmer was distraught, worried that his expensive rooster wouldn't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer went to bed and woke up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob, stone cold, in the middle of the yard.
Buzzards were circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal, shook his head and said, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Randy opened one eye, pointed toward the sky and said, "Shhh...buzzards."
Porcupine
"What's the difference between the North American porcupine and the African
porcupine," the society matron asked the zookeeper.
"The principal difference is the North American species has a longer prick."
This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office.
The zoo manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their pricks are just about the same size."
"The principal difference is the North American species has a longer prick."
This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office.
The zoo manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their pricks are just about the same size."
Plane Passenger
A man gets to his plane seat, and is surprised to find a parrot strapped into
the seat next to him. Once in the air, the stewardess comes round, and the man
asks her for a coffee, where upon the parrot squawks: "and get me a whisky you
cow".
The stewardess, somewhat flustered brings a whisky for the parrot, but forgets the coffee.
When the man points this out to her, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells "and get me another whisky you witch!"
Quite upset, the stewardess, shaking returns shortly with a whisky for the parrot, but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach: " I've asked you twice for a coffee, cow, now go and get it or I'll give you a slap!"
In a couple of seconds, two burly stewards grab both him and the parrot, take them to the emergency exits and throw them out.
As they are ejected from the plane, the parrot turns to the man and says "You know, for someone who can't fly, you're a pretty cheeky person!!"
The stewardess, somewhat flustered brings a whisky for the parrot, but forgets the coffee.
When the man points this out to her, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells "and get me another whisky you witch!"
Quite upset, the stewardess, shaking returns shortly with a whisky for the parrot, but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach: " I've asked you twice for a coffee, cow, now go and get it or I'll give you a slap!"
In a couple of seconds, two burly stewards grab both him and the parrot, take them to the emergency exits and throw them out.
As they are ejected from the plane, the parrot turns to the man and says "You know, for someone who can't fly, you're a pretty cheeky person!!"
Parrot Made Phone Calls
Dave went to the pet store and bought himself a parrot. The parrot could
speak 5 different languages.
After a week, Dave had to go out of town on business. When Dave returned home and received his phone bill in the mail, he found $500 worth of phone calls had been made.
He asked the parrot about it, and the parrot explained that he had made the calls to his friends around the world.
Dave was furious. He told the parrot that he had to go out of town again and that he had better not make any calls, or else. Yet when Dave returned, he found the same thing Had happened when he received a phone bill for $1000.
Dave took the parrot and nailed his two wings to the wall. The parrot hung his head down, then looked over at the crucifix next to him and said "So, how high was your phone bill?
After a week, Dave had to go out of town on business. When Dave returned home and received his phone bill in the mail, he found $500 worth of phone calls had been made.
He asked the parrot about it, and the parrot explained that he had made the calls to his friends around the world.
Dave was furious. He told the parrot that he had to go out of town again and that he had better not make any calls, or else. Yet when Dave returned, he found the same thing Had happened when he received a phone bill for $1000.
Dave took the parrot and nailed his two wings to the wall. The parrot hung his head down, then looked over at the crucifix next to him and said "So, how high was your phone bill?
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