An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents
were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career
path... so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them
on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at
home.
The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman,
if he takes the Bible he
will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of
whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously.
Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they
had left, saying they'd be home later.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked
at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also.
Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to
be assured of the quality.
Then he left for his room, carrying all the three
items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I ever
imagined..."
"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.
"Our son is going to be a politician!"
Congressman
A first-time Congressman was being interviewed by the local paper.
"Mr. Congressman," said the reporter, "when you get to Washington, are you going to be a pawn for the powerful interests that most of your constituents think will control you?"
"I resent that question, Sir," the Congressman replied. "I do not plan to take my wife to Washington."
"Mr. Congressman," said the reporter, "when you get to Washington, are you going to be a pawn for the powerful interests that most of your constituents think will control you?"
"I resent that question, Sir," the Congressman replied. "I do not plan to take my wife to Washington."
It's Just your Dirty Mind
I'm sure you can imagine
As plain as you can be
The place is Picadilly
The player is He and She
She whispered "Will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."
She said "I'm frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times.
And said it can be sore.
Then finally contented
Laid back and relaxed a bit
Quickly and readily he bent over her
And then he started it.
It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been quite a size
"Calm yourself" he whispered
His face was filled with a grin
"Try and open a bit wider
So I can get in."
"It's coming now." he whispered.
"I know." she cried in a bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I am having this.."
And with final effort
She gave a frightened shout.
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.
She lay back quite contented
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I am glad I came now
You made it worth my while."
Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find...
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!!
As plain as you can be
The place is Picadilly
The player is He and She
She whispered "Will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."
She said "I'm frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times.
And said it can be sore.
Then finally contented
Laid back and relaxed a bit
Quickly and readily he bent over her
And then he started it.
It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been quite a size
"Calm yourself" he whispered
His face was filled with a grin
"Try and open a bit wider
So I can get in."
"It's coming now." he whispered.
"I know." she cried in a bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I am having this.."
And with final effort
She gave a frightened shout.
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.
She lay back quite contented
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I am glad I came now
You made it worth my while."
Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find...
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!!
The First Time
It's your first time.
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid, and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes, and tells you to trust him-- he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time,
wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way;
pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues.
He looks at you concerned, and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears, but you shake you head, and nod for him to go on.
He begins moving in and out with skill, but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid, and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes, and tells you to trust him-- he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time,
wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way;
pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues.
He looks at you concerned, and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears, but you shake you head, and nod for him to go on.
He begins moving in and out with skill, but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Zebra on a Farm
A zebra was visiting a farm. "Hi," she said to the rooster. "What do you do
here?"
"I make sure everyone gets up on time for a nice early start on the day," he replied.
"How about you?" she asked a cow.
"I supply the farmer and his family with fresh milk, so they can make butter and cheese," the cow said.
"And what's your job on the farm?" the zebra asked a stallion.
"Get out of those fancy striped pajamas," he answered, "and I'll show you."
"I make sure everyone gets up on time for a nice early start on the day," he replied.
"How about you?" she asked a cow.
"I supply the farmer and his family with fresh milk, so they can make butter and cheese," the cow said.
"And what's your job on the farm?" the zebra asked a stallion.
"Get out of those fancy striped pajamas," he answered, "and I'll show you."
Young Rooster
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The
current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. And
the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a
young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard.
Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little
worried. "So, they're trying to replace me," thinks the old rooster. I've got to
do something about this.
He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."
Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy."
So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there.
Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster.
By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. As he walks away slowly, he says to himself, "Darn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."
He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."
Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy."
So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there.
Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster.
By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. As he walks away slowly, he says to himself, "Darn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."
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