A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public
Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor
told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set
average of two miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the
conditions and started right away.
The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had
completed four miles on her first day, double the average! "Great," he told her,
"I think you're really going to work out."
The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only
accomplished two miles.
The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the average
and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."
The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I
need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the new
employee in and said, "You were doing so great. The first day you did four
miles, the second day two miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is
there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting
the two-mile minimum?"
The blonde replied "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away
from the bucket."
What is Politics
Boy: Dad, what's politics?
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management.
Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son.
That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he have soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can hear him.
The next day...
Son: Dad I understand politics now.
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own word son.
Son: The management is screwing the working class while the governments fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!!!!!
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management.
Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son.
That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he have soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can hear him.
The next day...
Son: Dad I understand politics now.
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own word son.
Son: The management is screwing the working class while the governments fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!!!!!
Presidential Answering Service
Thank you for calling the White House. You have reached the White House voice
mail system. No one is available to take your call at this time because the
entire administration is out to lunch.
Please follow these instructions carefully to leave your message. When you are finished, don't hang up until the FBI finishes tracing the call. Have a nice day.
If you are male and would like to leave a message for the president, press 9.
If your are female and would like to leave a message for the president, press M-O-T-E-L-6.
If you are male and would like to leave a message for Chelsea, press N-O-W-A-Y.
To leave a message for Buddy, press D-O-G.
To leave a message for Socks, press D-O-G-F-O-O-D.
To leave a message for Roger Clinton, press A-A.
To leave a message for Ted Kennedy, Press 7-A-N-D-7.
If you are calling to arrange a night in the Lincoln bedroom, press D-O-L-L-A-R.
If you are calling to arrange a White House coffee, pres Y-E-N.
If you are calling to support Hillary's birth control program, press F-R-I-G-I-D.
If you are calling leave a message for Janet Reno, press W-A-C-O.
To leave a message for a member of Congress, press B-I-G-D-O-N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
To leave a message for the Gore2000 campaign, press H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S.
If you wish to make a complaint, press B-I-T-E-M-E.
To speak to an operator, press O.
To speak to a slick operator, stay on the line and the President will answer your call shortly.
Please follow these instructions carefully to leave your message. When you are finished, don't hang up until the FBI finishes tracing the call. Have a nice day.
If you are male and would like to leave a message for the president, press 9.
If your are female and would like to leave a message for the president, press M-O-T-E-L-6.
If you are male and would like to leave a message for Chelsea, press N-O-W-A-Y.
To leave a message for Buddy, press D-O-G.
To leave a message for Socks, press D-O-G-F-O-O-D.
To leave a message for Roger Clinton, press A-A.
To leave a message for Ted Kennedy, Press 7-A-N-D-7.
If you are calling to arrange a night in the Lincoln bedroom, press D-O-L-L-A-R.
If you are calling to arrange a White House coffee, pres Y-E-N.
If you are calling to support Hillary's birth control program, press F-R-I-G-I-D.
If you are calling leave a message for Janet Reno, press W-A-C-O.
To leave a message for a member of Congress, press B-I-G-D-O-N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
To leave a message for the Gore2000 campaign, press H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S.
If you wish to make a complaint, press B-I-T-E-M-E.
To speak to an operator, press O.
To speak to a slick operator, stay on the line and the President will answer your call shortly.
Politicians on a Bus Accident
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran
off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer,
after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."
The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."
The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
Politician Son
An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents
were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career
path... so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.
The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he
will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also.
Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality.
Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I ever imagined..."
"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.
"Our son is going to be a politician!"
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.
The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he
will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also.
Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality.
Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I ever imagined..."
"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.
"Our son is going to be a politician!"
Congressman
A first-time Congressman was being interviewed by the local paper.
"Mr. Congressman," said the reporter, "when you get to Washington, are you going to be a pawn for the powerful interests that most of your constituents think will control you?"
"I resent that question, Sir," the Congressman replied. "I do not plan to take my wife to Washington."
"Mr. Congressman," said the reporter, "when you get to Washington, are you going to be a pawn for the powerful interests that most of your constituents think will control you?"
"I resent that question, Sir," the Congressman replied. "I do not plan to take my wife to Washington."
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