A fat and ugly little man from Bangladesh named Futh decides that since he
cannot get a decent job in his own country, he would immigrate to the United
States and try his luck there.
Three months later in New York he runs into a someone that he knows (not a
friend, because he is much too hideous to have any of them), and they start
discussing jobs.
"Are you working now?" asked the acquaintance, who was only talking to him
out of pity anyway.
"No'" replies Futh. "I just quit my job at Coney Island. A man had me put my
head through a canvas, and the customers would throw baseballs at my head. I
couldn't sit down for a week!"
"You silly moron, what does getting hit in the head have to do with sitting
down?"
"Oh, I forgot to mention. The back of the canvas was rented out as a dart
game."
Buying a Bra
A drunk advised the clerk that he wanted to buy a bra for his wife.
Clerk: Here are several styles to choose from, sir.
Drunk: This one will do the job!
Clerk: Do you know the size that your wife requires,sir?
Drunk: 7 1/2
Clerk: I'm sorry, sir, but bras are not made in that size. Here is a standard listing of mamufacturer's sizes. Perhaps you can pick from those.
Drunk: 7 1/2.
Clerk: There is some mistake. Let me bring in our buyer to help.
Drunk: 'Measured it myself! Size is 7 1/2!!
Clerk: But, sir--
Drunk: 7 1/2, God dammit !!!
Clerk: Perhaps you can tell me how you measured? What did you use?
Drunk: My hat!
Clerk: Here are several styles to choose from, sir.
Drunk: This one will do the job!
Clerk: Do you know the size that your wife requires,sir?
Drunk: 7 1/2
Clerk: I'm sorry, sir, but bras are not made in that size. Here is a standard listing of mamufacturer's sizes. Perhaps you can pick from those.
Drunk: 7 1/2.
Clerk: There is some mistake. Let me bring in our buyer to help.
Drunk: 'Measured it myself! Size is 7 1/2!!
Clerk: But, sir--
Drunk: 7 1/2, God dammit !!!
Clerk: Perhaps you can tell me how you measured? What did you use?
Drunk: My hat!
Changing Career
A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic.
So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for
evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could. When time for
the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed
the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler..."
When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler..."
Broom Factory
A young Southern peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory.
After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice.
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc.
He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a raise." "No," she said.
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason.Tell me."
"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look, I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear, it's nature. Look, I have it, too...."
"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc.
He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a raise." "No," she said.
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason.Tell me."
"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look, I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear, it's nature. Look, I have it, too...."
"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."
Bridge
A lady was applying for a position as a housekeeper and when asked why she
left her last employment, she replied, "Yes, they paid good wages, but it was
the most ridiculous place I ever worked. They played a game called "Bridge" and
last night there were a lot of folks there.
As I was about to serve refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay down and let's see what you've got". Then another man said, I've got strength but no length". Then another man said to a lady, "Take your hand off my trick".
I pretty near dropped dead. Just then, the lady answered "You forced me; you jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise".
"Another woman was talking about protecting her honor. Well, I got my hat and coat as I was leaving I hope to die...if one of them didn't say "I guess I'll go home now; this is the last rubber". Then I fainted out cold!
As I was about to serve refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay down and let's see what you've got". Then another man said, I've got strength but no length". Then another man said to a lady, "Take your hand off my trick".
I pretty near dropped dead. Just then, the lady answered "You forced me; you jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise".
"Another woman was talking about protecting her honor. Well, I got my hat and coat as I was leaving I hope to die...if one of them didn't say "I guess I'll go home now; this is the last rubber". Then I fainted out cold!
Blindman
Mary had just got out of the bath and was standing naked in her bedroom when
there was a knock at the door, "whos there" she called out.
"It's all right, Iam a blindman" came the reply, trepidation gave way to compassion and she opened the door to him.
"Hmmm, nice pair of tits, now where do you want me to put this blind"
"It's all right, Iam a blindman" came the reply, trepidation gave way to compassion and she opened the door to him.
"Hmmm, nice pair of tits, now where do you want me to put this blind"
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