A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which
the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really
hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the' night. We're having
dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm
gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so
you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her
parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the
prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after
everyone starts eating.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a
religious person."
He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a
pharmacist."
Paintings
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his
paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."
Overworked
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep or too much pressure
from my job, but now I've found out the real reason that I am tired. I'm
overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
14,800,000 people work for State and City Governments. That leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Given that there are 1,211,998 people in prisons, that leaves just two people to do the work, you and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
14,800,000 people work for State and City Governments. That leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Given that there are 1,211,998 people in prisons, that leaves just two people to do the work, you and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
Nice Smelling Hair
A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells
nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that
she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why.
The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice."
The woman replies, "He's a midget."
The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice."
The woman replies, "He's a midget."
New Secretary
The real-estate boss got a hot new secretary, and he decided to put some
moves on her. But within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is
working, not caring, coming to work late, and so on.
Finally, he pulls her aside, and has a little talk with her. "Listen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?"
The secretary's reply, "My lawyer!"
Finally, he pulls her aside, and has a little talk with her. "Listen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?"
The secretary's reply, "My lawyer!"
Measuring Height
A group of men were given the assignment to measure the height of a
flagpole.
So the men go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures. They're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
A woman comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the woman has gone, one man turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like a woman! We're looking for height and she gives us the length!"
So the men go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures. They're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
A woman comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the woman has gone, one man turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like a woman! We're looking for height and she gives us the length!"
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