Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's
time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the
Principal!"
Three Engineers in a Car
There are three engineers in a car. a mechanical engineer, an electrical
engineer and a computer engineer. The car, on the way suddenly breaks down.
The mechanical engineer gets down and examines the car thoroughly for about 20 minutes.
"Surely, the problem is in the engine.", he concludes.
The electrical engineer gets down and examines the car for about half an hour and victoriously says; "definitely there is a battery problem, we have to recharge the battery."
Finally the computer engineer gets down to see what is wrong and checks the car for almost an hour and says: "can you please reset the car?"
The mechanical engineer gets down and examines the car thoroughly for about 20 minutes.
"Surely, the problem is in the engine.", he concludes.
The electrical engineer gets down and examines the car for about half an hour and victoriously says; "definitely there is a battery problem, we have to recharge the battery."
Finally the computer engineer gets down to see what is wrong and checks the car for almost an hour and says: "can you please reset the car?"
Theologian Versus the Astronomer
A theologian and an astronomer were talking together one day. The astronomer
said that after reading widely in the field of religion, he had concluded that
all religion could be summed up in a single phrase.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," he said, with a bit of smugness, knowing that his field is so much more complex.
After a brief pause, the theologian replied that after reading widely in the area of astronomy he had concluded that all of it could be summed up in a single phrase also.
"Oh, and what is that?" the astronaut inquired.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder what you are!"
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," he said, with a bit of smugness, knowing that his field is so much more complex.
After a brief pause, the theologian replied that after reading widely in the area of astronomy he had concluded that all of it could be summed up in a single phrase also.
"Oh, and what is that?" the astronaut inquired.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder what you are!"
The Retired Engineer
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
The Job Interview
A man was being interviewed for a job.
"Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.
"Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant.
"Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."
"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."
"Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.
"Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant.
"Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."
"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."
The Great Oasis
Three men were walking in a desert, tired, hungry and thirsty they came upon
an oasis with a great castle. Upon entering the castle the men found that there
were no men at the castle, only countless beautiful women.
For about a week the three men enjoyed the harem of women, then one day the king of the castle returned with his army and upon paying a visit to his harem he found the three men and summoned his guards to line the men up against the wall.
The king approached the men and stated that each would be punished for his acts according to his chosen occupation.
He walked up to the first man and demanded to know his occupation, the man replied that he was a fireman. The king then said to his guard, "Burn off his penis."
This done the king then proceeded to the second man, "What is your occupation?"
Hesitating the man stated, "I'm a police officer."
At this the king ordered the guard, "Shoot off his penis."
With this done, he proceeded to the third man, "What is your occupation." With a smile on his face the man replied, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
For about a week the three men enjoyed the harem of women, then one day the king of the castle returned with his army and upon paying a visit to his harem he found the three men and summoned his guards to line the men up against the wall.
The king approached the men and stated that each would be punished for his acts according to his chosen occupation.
He walked up to the first man and demanded to know his occupation, the man replied that he was a fireman. The king then said to his guard, "Burn off his penis."
This done the king then proceeded to the second man, "What is your occupation?"
Hesitating the man stated, "I'm a police officer."
At this the king ordered the guard, "Shoot off his penis."
With this done, he proceeded to the third man, "What is your occupation." With a smile on his face the man replied, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
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