Traveling salesman stops at a hillbilly farmhouse to sell some wares. While
he's there a fierce storm comes up, and the farmer invites him to spend the
night.
However, as there wasn't a spare bedroom, the salesman would have to sleep in
the same room as the farmer's daughter--on the condition that if any hanky-panky
went on and the daughter got pregnant, the salesman would have to marry her.
The salesman eyes the daughter, who has the body of a goddess but the head of
a javelina, and figures out that he's being set up for a shotgun wedding. But he
didn't want to brave the night's storm, so he agreed to the farmer's terms.
The next morning, the family is sitting around the breakfast table. The
father asks the daughter, "Did he do it last night, girl?"
"Sure did, Pa."
"Excellent!" says the father. "If it's a boy, we'll call him John." "And if
it's a girl," says the mother, "we'll call her Martha."
About that time the salesman came into the room holding a condom and
grinning. "Well," he says, "if the little bastard gets out of this, we'll call
him Houdini."
Tickle Me Elmo Doll
A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle
me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss
told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her, she would be
stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her.
Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.
The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll Two----Test----Tickles."
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her.
Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.
The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll Two----Test----Tickles."
Time to go to School
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's
time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Three Engineers in a Car
There are three engineers in a car. a mechanical engineer, an electrical
engineer and a computer engineer. The car, on the way suddenly breaks down.
The mechanical engineer gets down and examines the car thoroughly for about 20 minutes.
"Surely, the problem is in the engine.", he concludes.
The electrical engineer gets down and examines the car for about half an hour and victoriously says; "definitely there is a battery problem, we have to recharge the battery."
Finally the computer engineer gets down to see what is wrong and checks the car for almost an hour and says: "can you please reset the car?"
The mechanical engineer gets down and examines the car thoroughly for about 20 minutes.
"Surely, the problem is in the engine.", he concludes.
The electrical engineer gets down and examines the car for about half an hour and victoriously says; "definitely there is a battery problem, we have to recharge the battery."
Finally the computer engineer gets down to see what is wrong and checks the car for almost an hour and says: "can you please reset the car?"
Theologian Versus the Astronomer
A theologian and an astronomer were talking together one day. The astronomer
said that after reading widely in the field of religion, he had concluded that
all religion could be summed up in a single phrase.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," he said, with a bit of smugness, knowing that his field is so much more complex.
After a brief pause, the theologian replied that after reading widely in the area of astronomy he had concluded that all of it could be summed up in a single phrase also.
"Oh, and what is that?" the astronaut inquired.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder what you are!"
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," he said, with a bit of smugness, knowing that his field is so much more complex.
After a brief pause, the theologian replied that after reading widely in the area of astronomy he had concluded that all of it could be summed up in a single phrase also.
"Oh, and what is that?" the astronaut inquired.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder what you are!"
The Retired Engineer
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
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