A Redneck Southern Guy walks into a gun shop.
Gun Shop Owner: "Hi, How can I help you?"
Redneck Guy: "I'm lookin' for a
gun."
Owner: "What kind of gun are you lookin' for?".
Redneck Guy (pointing at
the biggest handgun in the case): "That one looks about right."
Owner (very surprised): " Why do you need a .44 magnum?"
Redneck Guy:
"It's for shootin' at cans."
Owner (pointing at a small handgun): "Well, this is the perfect size for
shooting at cans."
Redneck Guy (pointing at the .44): "Nah, I need this
one."
Owner: "Damn, what kinda cans are you shooting?"
Redneck Guy:
"Mexi-cans.......Puerto Ri-cans............"
Redneck Fishermen
Two rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels,
the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Redneck Father & Son
There was a redneck father and son who were always in competition with each
other. One day the son left to take an entrance exam at a university. He wanted
to major in medicine.
A week later he returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.
"How was the exam?" asked his father.
"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter' questions about first aid and stuff. I got a score of 75%. It wasn't good enough to get accepted," the boy replied.
"Well in that case I better take that exam myself," the father said.
So off to the university he went. A week later the father returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.
"How was the exam?" asked his son.
"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter' questions about first aid and I got them all wrong but one."
"Gee, Dad. Which question was that?"
"The question was...", started the father, "What do you do when you come across a lady which has fainted. You feel her pu_s_?"
"That's easy", the son replied. "The answer is pulse."
A week later he returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.
"How was the exam?" asked his father.
"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter' questions about first aid and stuff. I got a score of 75%. It wasn't good enough to get accepted," the boy replied.
"Well in that case I better take that exam myself," the father said.
So off to the university he went. A week later the father returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.
"How was the exam?" asked his son.
"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter' questions about first aid and I got them all wrong but one."
"Gee, Dad. Which question was that?"
"The question was...", started the father, "What do you do when you come across a lady which has fainted. You feel her pu_s_?"
"That's easy", the son replied. "The answer is pulse."
Redneck Birth Control
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough
(they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor
(who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to
have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.
The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.
The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
Two Black Eyes
A man came to work Monday with two black eyes. "Where did you get them black
eyes?" a co-worker asked.
"In church," the man replied. "As we were standing," the man continued, "I noticed the dress of the woman in front of me was stuck up the crack of her ass. So, I pulled it out. She turned and belted me in the eye."
"Well, how did you get the second black eye?"
"Evidently, she didn't like me pulling her dress out of the crack of her ass, so I pushed it back."
"In church," the man replied. "As we were standing," the man continued, "I noticed the dress of the woman in front of me was stuck up the crack of her ass. So, I pulled it out. She turned and belted me in the eye."
"Well, how did you get the second black eye?"
"Evidently, she didn't like me pulling her dress out of the crack of her ass, so I pushed it back."
What's a Monica
A guy walks into his local bordello and picks out a girl. They go back to her
room and start to discuss prices.
She says, "It's $100 for a blow job, $200 for straight sex, and $250 for a Monica."
"What's a Monica?" he asks.
"That's where I blow you now and screw you later," she answers.
She says, "It's $100 for a blow job, $200 for straight sex, and $250 for a Monica."
"What's a Monica?" he asks.
"That's where I blow you now and screw you later," she answers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)