The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following
reasons:
- has to work hard;
- has to work at great depths;
- has to work upside
down;
- has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work;
- has
to work in a high humidity environment;
- has to work at high
temperatures;
- does not get weekends and holidays off;
- does not get
time off after extra hours of work;
- has a hazardous work environment that
often causes professional sickness.
Request denied for the following reasons:
- does not work 8 hours in a row;
- does not answer immediately to all
requests;
- does not have a degree;
- after a short activity period, falls
asleep at work;
- shows no fidelity to the workplace;
- retires too
early;
- does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
- does not leave
the workplace clean after finishing work.
Just Married Couple
A just-married couple's on a plane on the way to their honeymoon.
The wife turns to her new husband and says, "Honey, how will I let you know at night when I want to have sex?"
He says, "Simple. Any night you want to have sex, reach over and tug on my dick. And any night you don't want to have sex, tug on it about three hundred and fifty times."
The wife turns to her new husband and says, "Honey, how will I let you know at night when I want to have sex?"
He says, "Simple. Any night you want to have sex, reach over and tug on my dick. And any night you don't want to have sex, tug on it about three hundred and fifty times."
Got Teeth Down There
A little boy is waiting for his mom to come out of the changing room while
shopping with her.
The little boy gets bored and when his mom comes out, she finds him sliding his hand up a dummy's skirt. "GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!" she shouts. "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN HAVE TEETH DOWN THERE!"
The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars that nothing serious happened. So, for the rest of his life, this poor little boy grows up thinking that all women have teeth down below.
By the time he reaches 16, he finds himself a girl. One night, while her parents were out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After a few hours of making out and grinding on the sofa, she asks him to go a bit further.
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" while pointing to her privates.
"HECK NO!" he cries. "You've got teeth down there."
"No I don't," she responds.
"Yes you do," he says. "My mom told me that you do."
"No I don't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek."
"No I'm sorry" he says. "My mom already told me that all women have teeth down there.
"Oh for Christ's sake!" she screams. With that, she whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "Look, I don't have any teeth down there."
He replies, "Well, with the condition of those gums I'm not surprised."
The little boy gets bored and when his mom comes out, she finds him sliding his hand up a dummy's skirt. "GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!" she shouts. "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN HAVE TEETH DOWN THERE!"
The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars that nothing serious happened. So, for the rest of his life, this poor little boy grows up thinking that all women have teeth down below.
By the time he reaches 16, he finds himself a girl. One night, while her parents were out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After a few hours of making out and grinding on the sofa, she asks him to go a bit further.
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" while pointing to her privates.
"HECK NO!" he cries. "You've got teeth down there."
"No I don't," she responds.
"Yes you do," he says. "My mom told me that you do."
"No I don't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek."
"No I'm sorry" he says. "My mom already told me that all women have teeth down there.
"Oh for Christ's sake!" she screams. With that, she whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "Look, I don't have any teeth down there."
He replies, "Well, with the condition of those gums I'm not surprised."
Is Sex Work or Play
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if
sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question.
The priest says after consulting the Bible, "My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted the Sabbath."
The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"
He goes to minister... a married man, experienced for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority -- a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge: a rabbi.
The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?!" The rabbi softly speaks, " If sex were work...my wife would have the maid do it."
The priest says after consulting the Bible, "My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted the Sabbath."
The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"
He goes to minister... a married man, experienced for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority -- a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge: a rabbi.
The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?!" The rabbi softly speaks, " If sex were work...my wife would have the maid do it."
Insatiable Sex Appetite
"When I realized that I couldn't satisfy my wife's insatiable sex appetite,"
the man said to his drinking buddy, "I bought her quite an assortment of every
sex toy made, thinking that would keep her faithful."
"Did it work ?" asked the friend.
"Well, kinda..." the man replied. "But now, every time I do feel like a little, I find myself 3rd or 4th in line."
"Did it work ?" asked the friend.
"Well, kinda..." the man replied. "But now, every time I do feel like a little, I find myself 3rd or 4th in line."
Got Fuck for a Duck
A father was trying to decide which of his 3 sons to leave his money to. He
decided that the best way to find out was to give each of them a duck & see
which one could get the most for it on the market. The 1st son came back with
$5, the 2nd son $10. The 3rd son was determined that he would receive the
inheritance & he set out on his journey. He saw a lady in the market. He
asked her how much she would pay him for the duck. She replied "I won't pay you
a thing, but I'll fuck ya for it" he agreed. Afterwards when he had given her
the duck he said "hey, that's a nice duck you got there, I'll fuck ya for it"
The lady, still in shock from the wonderful sex she had just had, agreed. After
they had finished she started to hand him the duck, but it ran out the door
& was trampled to death by a horse & cart. "Lady! u killed my duck!" he
complained. "Here's $15 for it" she said as she handed him $15. Satisfied he ran
home. When his father asked him what he got he replied excitedly "I got a fuck
for a duck, a duck for a fuck, & $15 for a fucked up duck
!!!!!"
Another duck version..... A farmer and his young son were struggling to keep the farm going after the death of the farmer's wife. While planting the north forty, they ran out of seed. "I hate to ask this, I know how much you love your pet duck Gertrude, but I want you to go to town and sell her and buy more seed while I plant what we have left". The son reluctantly agreed it was necessary and set off on foot, since they had already sold the truck. He had to walk by the whorehouse, so he stopped when he saw the door open, for he had always been curious. "I'm only a poor farmboy, but I always wanted to know what goes on in here. I have no money to pay; only this duck." The madam, seeing his bulge, said "I wouldn't normally do this, but business is slow. See Alice, last door on the right." After repeating his sad story, Alice agreed to take the duck, and proceeded to demonstrate her craft. Finding him very well endowed, she said, "I'll give you back the duck for another go." He agreed. Shortly, a sailor arrived and burst in the door to Alice's room. "My ship leaves in an hour and I have to see Alice once more before I leave; I'll give you $10 to let me go first." After a while the boy, worried about how long he was gone and what he had done, went back to the farm. His father saw him come back with the duck and started to berate him. Exasperated at his reception, he blurted "Look! I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, ten bucks to duck a fuck, and I've still got the fuckin' duck!!"
Another duck version..... A farmer and his young son were struggling to keep the farm going after the death of the farmer's wife. While planting the north forty, they ran out of seed. "I hate to ask this, I know how much you love your pet duck Gertrude, but I want you to go to town and sell her and buy more seed while I plant what we have left". The son reluctantly agreed it was necessary and set off on foot, since they had already sold the truck. He had to walk by the whorehouse, so he stopped when he saw the door open, for he had always been curious. "I'm only a poor farmboy, but I always wanted to know what goes on in here. I have no money to pay; only this duck." The madam, seeing his bulge, said "I wouldn't normally do this, but business is slow. See Alice, last door on the right." After repeating his sad story, Alice agreed to take the duck, and proceeded to demonstrate her craft. Finding him very well endowed, she said, "I'll give you back the duck for another go." He agreed. Shortly, a sailor arrived and burst in the door to Alice's room. "My ship leaves in an hour and I have to see Alice once more before I leave; I'll give you $10 to let me go first." After a while the boy, worried about how long he was gone and what he had done, went back to the farm. His father saw him come back with the duck and started to berate him. Exasperated at his reception, he blurted "Look! I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, ten bucks to duck a fuck, and I've still got the fuckin' duck!!"
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