After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it
used to be, the sex counselor suggested they vary their position.
"For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs,
penetrate, and off you go."
The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got
home.
"Well, OK," the hesitant wife agreed, "but on two conditions. First, if it
hurts, you will stop right away. And second," she insisted, "you have to promise
we won't go past my mother's house."
Bigger breasts
A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know
intended to stock up.
At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya ," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya ," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
Wife Swapping
The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to
have a bit of partner swapping for the night.
The guys have agreed that if they can pull off the wife swap, when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoon on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives. Clever enough!
After several drinks that night they succeed! Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile.
The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hangover and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug.
After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter.
The guys have agreed that if they can pull off the wife swap, when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoon on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives. Clever enough!
After several drinks that night they succeed! Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile.
The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hangover and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug.
After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter.
Van-Aerial Disease
A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van -- you know, shag
carpets, big double bed in the back, all of that - - and suddenly the girl,
being a bit on the kinky side, yells out, "Oh lover, whip me! Please whip
me!"
Well, the guy, not wanting to pass up an opportunity like that, but unsure what to do as he has no whips around, gets an inspired flash, opens one window, snaps the antenna off his van, and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
Almost a week later the girl notices that the welts she sustained are beginning to fester a bit and goes to her doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and exclaims, 'Wow! Looks like you've got a bad case of 'Van-aerial' disease!'
Well, the guy, not wanting to pass up an opportunity like that, but unsure what to do as he has no whips around, gets an inspired flash, opens one window, snaps the antenna off his van, and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
Almost a week later the girl notices that the welts she sustained are beginning to fester a bit and goes to her doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and exclaims, 'Wow! Looks like you've got a bad case of 'Van-aerial' disease!'
Tropical Sex
Guy goes to a whorehouse and asks for something really exotic. The madam says
go down the hall to the last rooms on the left. He strolls down to the room and
goes in.
In the room he discovers a huge fat girl, but he thinks, what the hell. So they strip naked and get in the bed. First thing the fat gal does is sit on his face and cuts a big old fart. He says,
"What the hell is that?"
She says, "That is a tropical breeze blowing in your face."
He thinks, well OK. Next thing the big old whore does is stand up and start to piss all over him and he yells, "What the hell is that for?"
She says, "That's the tropical rain falling on you."
He thinks OK. Then she starts getting wound up and starts beating him on the head with her big titties. He says, "What the hell now?"
She says, "Those are coconuts falling out of the palm trees."
The guy gets up and starts getting dressed and the old whore says, "Where you going?" He says, "I don't know about you honey, but I can't fuck in this kind of weather."
In the room he discovers a huge fat girl, but he thinks, what the hell. So they strip naked and get in the bed. First thing the fat gal does is sit on his face and cuts a big old fart. He says,
"What the hell is that?"
She says, "That is a tropical breeze blowing in your face."
He thinks, well OK. Next thing the big old whore does is stand up and start to piss all over him and he yells, "What the hell is that for?"
She says, "That's the tropical rain falling on you."
He thinks OK. Then she starts getting wound up and starts beating him on the head with her big titties. He says, "What the hell now?"
She says, "Those are coconuts falling out of the palm trees."
The guy gets up and starts getting dressed and the old whore says, "Where you going?" He says, "I don't know about you honey, but I can't fuck in this kind of weather."
Three Old Ladies Playing Bridge
Three old ladies were sitting around playing bridge when one of them, Edna
says," You know ladies, I'm having a real problem getting my husband interested
sexually."
So Mary pipes up and says, "Edna, listen, you know what I do? When my husband gets home from work, I strip him down and rub him all over with exotic oils. Works every time!"
So Dorothy jumps in and says, "No no Edna. Don't listen to Mary. Before my husband gets home from work, I get completely naked and get on my bed and pull my legs back behind my head. When he walks in, INSTANT erection."
So Edna, after contemplating both idea, decides to go with Dorothy's suggestion.
That night, before her husband gets home from working the late shift, Edna strips naked, hops onto her big 4-poster bed and struggles for about half an hour trying to get her legs back behind her head.
Just as she gets her feet behind her ears, in walks her husband. "Perfect timing", Edna thought, when her husband says," Jesus Christ Edna! Comb your hair and put in your teeth, you look like an asshole!"
So Mary pipes up and says, "Edna, listen, you know what I do? When my husband gets home from work, I strip him down and rub him all over with exotic oils. Works every time!"
So Dorothy jumps in and says, "No no Edna. Don't listen to Mary. Before my husband gets home from work, I get completely naked and get on my bed and pull my legs back behind my head. When he walks in, INSTANT erection."
So Edna, after contemplating both idea, decides to go with Dorothy's suggestion.
That night, before her husband gets home from working the late shift, Edna strips naked, hops onto her big 4-poster bed and struggles for about half an hour trying to get her legs back behind her head.
Just as she gets her feet behind her ears, in walks her husband. "Perfect timing", Edna thought, when her husband says," Jesus Christ Edna! Comb your hair and put in your teeth, you look like an asshole!"
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