A woman is frustrated with her love life because her husband has a massive
crush on Brigitte Bardot and ignores her completely. To win back his attentions,
she goes to a tattoo artist to have the letters 'BB' tattooed on her
breasts.
The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this
unattractive later in life, and suggests she have the tattoo on her butt
instead. She agrees, and bends over to receive a "B" on each buttock.
When her
husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around,
bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the artwork. "What do you think?"
the wife says.
"Uh, who the hell is Bob?" the husband replies.
The Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.
"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband enquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband enquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
Sporting Chance
A lady come home and caught her husband in the act of cheating on her. The
rural housewife over to the closet and retrieved her husband's .44 caliber
pistol.
Aiming the weapon at her husband's testicles she shouted, "I'm a-gonna turn this bull into a steer, Chuck !"
"No no !" pleaded Chuck. "Not like this ! C'mon, Jodi, give me a sporting chance, darlin' !"
"All right, fair enough. I will. You can set 'em to swinging first."
Aiming the weapon at her husband's testicles she shouted, "I'm a-gonna turn this bull into a steer, Chuck !"
"No no !" pleaded Chuck. "Not like this ! C'mon, Jodi, give me a sporting chance, darlin' !"
"All right, fair enough. I will. You can set 'em to swinging first."
Son in Law
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from
her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on
the bed with a vibrator. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his Daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" He exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing?", she asked.
He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his Daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" He exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing?", she asked.
He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."
Small Breast
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length
mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror,
looking at herself, asking him how she looks.
One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?" she asks.
The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"
One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?" she asks.
The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"
Sister Joined the Army
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself, as a man and
joined the army."But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress
with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The man shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The man shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
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