Texas Couple
One day a young Texas couple decided to get married. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex. The new bride asks, "What are they doing honey?" The husband answers, "They're roping!" she replies, "Oh, I see!".
After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex. Again the bride asks,
"What are they doing honey?" the husband answers, "They're roping!" she replies, "Oh, I see!"
Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they started to explore each others body. The bride discovers her husbands penis. "What is that?" she asks. "That is my rope" he answers. She slides her hands down further and gasps, "What are those?" she asks "They are my knots" he answers.
Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says "Stop honey, wait a minute!" Her husband asks "What's the matter honey?" The bride replies, "Undo those knots and give me more rope!"
Most Beautiful Night
On his honeymoon, a very thick South African Boer farmer, Piet Kruger,
insisted on having a room with a balcony overlooking the sea.
On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged from the bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie.
"Ag Hendrik, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting for you to savor for the first time" she said coyly.
"No thanks, I want to sit out here," he said.
So Marie sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after which she invited Hendrik once more to come in off the balcony to take pleasure of her virginal body. Once more he refused. Eventually Marie grew tired of waiting and she retired to the wedding bed and fell asleep.
In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony.
"Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have been making love all night?" she asked.
"Well my pa said the first night of my marriage would be the most beautiful night of my whole life - and I didn't want to miss a moment of it."
On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged from the bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie.
"Ag Hendrik, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting for you to savor for the first time" she said coyly.
"No thanks, I want to sit out here," he said.
So Marie sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after which she invited Hendrik once more to come in off the balcony to take pleasure of her virginal body. Once more he refused. Eventually Marie grew tired of waiting and she retired to the wedding bed and fell asleep.
In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony.
"Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have been making love all night?" she asked.
"Well my pa said the first night of my marriage would be the most beautiful night of my whole life - and I didn't want to miss a moment of it."
Missing Newlyweds
A very young couple, having limited funds, returned to her parents after the
wedding for their honeymoon night. The next morning the family gathered for both
breakfast and lunch without the seeing the couple.
When it came time for the evening meal, the father asked of his wife and son, "Have either of you see the newlyweds?"
The mother replied she had not seen her daughter and new son-in-law all day.
The bride's older brother replied that he had seen his new brother-in-law about 10 PM the previous evening, when he stuck his head out the door to ask if he knew where there was any Vaseline.
As the father's face took on a knowing smile, his son further added, "I couldn't find any Vaseline, so I gave him some model airplane glue."
When it came time for the evening meal, the father asked of his wife and son, "Have either of you see the newlyweds?"
The mother replied she had not seen her daughter and new son-in-law all day.
The bride's older brother replied that he had seen his new brother-in-law about 10 PM the previous evening, when he stuck his head out the door to ask if he knew where there was any Vaseline.
As the father's face took on a knowing smile, his son further added, "I couldn't find any Vaseline, so I gave him some model airplane glue."
Married a Long Time
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as
a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
Honeymoon Accident
On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple had an unfortunate
accident, resulting in the amputation of the groom's left foot. Unable to
control her grief, the bride called her mother from the hospital.
"Mother", she sobbed, "My husband has only one foot."
The mother, trying to console her daughter said, "That's alright dear, your father has only six inches."
"Mother", she sobbed, "My husband has only one foot."
The mother, trying to console her daughter said, "That's alright dear, your father has only six inches."
Get Rich Quick
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick so she proceeded
to find herself a rich 73-year-old man, planning to love him to death on their
wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite
of the half-century age difference.
The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"
The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"
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