Bart and Art have been a twosome on the links every day since they've been
retired. One day, as they're putting on their golf shoes in the clubhouse, they
get into a conversation about heaven and whether there are any golf courses
there. They make a pact. The first one to die will come back and tell the other
one. Bart dies first, and sure enough, comes back to visit Art.
Art says, "Well are there any golf courses in heaven?"
"I have good news and I have bad news," says Bart.
"We have the ultimate golf course in the sky and tournament which starts
tomorrow."
"So what's the bad news?"
"You're my partner!"
Golf Lesson
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are
hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally
the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to
it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says
apologetically: "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't
help"
One of the men immediately replies: "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
One of the men immediately replies: "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Golf in his Sleep
A guy and his wife are sound asleep in bed when all of a sudden the husband
cracks his wife right in the head.
Wife responds "what the hell are you doing?"
Husband says "I'm playing a really tough par 5 and I just crushed my drive!"
Wife... "knock it off and go back to sleep."
Minutes later... crack... right in her head!
Wife... "now what?"
Husband... "I just drilled my three wood and I'm on the green!"
Wife... "I mean it! Knock it off and go back to sleep!"
Moments later... crack... WIFE hits HUSBAND right in the head!
Husband... "what the hell did you do that for?"
Wife... "I want you to stop using my pubic hairs to see which way the wind's blowing!"
Wife responds "what the hell are you doing?"
Husband says "I'm playing a really tough par 5 and I just crushed my drive!"
Wife... "knock it off and go back to sleep."
Minutes later... crack... right in her head!
Wife... "now what?"
Husband... "I just drilled my three wood and I'm on the green!"
Wife... "I mean it! Knock it off and go back to sleep!"
Moments later... crack... WIFE hits HUSBAND right in the head!
Husband... "what the hell did you do that for?"
Wife... "I want you to stop using my pubic hairs to see which way the wind's blowing!"
Golf Fanatic
John and his friend George go golfing together one Saturday morning, as they
have done for 24 years straight. Yes, you might say these guys were fanatics
about their golfing.
Later that day, John returns home exhausted, and plops down in the easy chair. His wife is concerned and asks if something went wrong with his game.
"No, no," he replied, "I had the best game I had in years! As a matter of fact, I started out the first three holes at 4 under par, including a hole-in-two on the 3rd."
"So why are you so beat?" his wife asked.
"Well, George had a heart attack and died on the 4th hole," he said.
"What?!? And you're so exhausted from trying to save him, huh?"
"No, It was very quick and there was nothing anyone could've done. But after that, it was just hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George..."
Later that day, John returns home exhausted, and plops down in the easy chair. His wife is concerned and asks if something went wrong with his game.
"No, no," he replied, "I had the best game I had in years! As a matter of fact, I started out the first three holes at 4 under par, including a hole-in-two on the 3rd."
"So why are you so beat?" his wife asked.
"Well, George had a heart attack and died on the 4th hole," he said.
"What?!? And you're so exhausted from trying to save him, huh?"
"No, It was very quick and there was nothing anyone could've done. But after that, it was just hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George..."
Four Married Guys
Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation
took place:
First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend.
What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?' So she says, 'Wear your sweater.'"
First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend.
What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?' So she says, 'Wear your sweater.'"
Football Players
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to
his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed
math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question,
and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked
into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus
two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)