Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a
ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed
that it was over eleven years old.
They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to
pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not
very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the
ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.
With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.
With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look
for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought
they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday,"
he said calmly.
Thrilled to be Around
A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad
for the interlude, because it taught him how much his wife loved him.
She was so thrilled to have him around, that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, "My husband's home! My husband's home!"
She was so thrilled to have him around, that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, "My husband's home! My husband's home!"
The Tattooed Bottom
A woman is frustrated with her love life because her husband has a massive
crush on Brigitte Bardot and ignores her completely. To win back his attentions,
she goes to a tattoo artist to have the letters 'BB' tattooed on her
breasts.
The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this unattractive later in life, and suggests she have the tattoo on her butt instead. She agrees, and bends over to receive a "B" on each buttock.
When her husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the artwork. "What do you think?" the wife says.
"Uh, who the hell is Bob?" the husband replies.
The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this unattractive later in life, and suggests she have the tattoo on her butt instead. She agrees, and bends over to receive a "B" on each buttock.
When her husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the artwork. "What do you think?" the wife says.
"Uh, who the hell is Bob?" the husband replies.
The Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.
"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband enquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband enquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
Sporting Chance
A lady come home and caught her husband in the act of cheating on her. The
rural housewife over to the closet and retrieved her husband's .44 caliber
pistol.
Aiming the weapon at her husband's testicles she shouted, "I'm a-gonna turn this bull into a steer, Chuck !"
"No no !" pleaded Chuck. "Not like this ! C'mon, Jodi, give me a sporting chance, darlin' !"
"All right, fair enough. I will. You can set 'em to swinging first."
Aiming the weapon at her husband's testicles she shouted, "I'm a-gonna turn this bull into a steer, Chuck !"
"No no !" pleaded Chuck. "Not like this ! C'mon, Jodi, give me a sporting chance, darlin' !"
"All right, fair enough. I will. You can set 'em to swinging first."
Son in Law
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from
her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on
the bed with a vibrator. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his Daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" He exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing?", she asked.
He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his Daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" He exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing?", she asked.
He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."
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