A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she
would need the transplant of a one-pound brain.
The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"
"What type?" the woman asked.
"Yes," replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price. For
example, a one-pound brain of a surgeon costs $60,000, while you can get a
one-pound brain of a nuclear physicist for $50,000, and so on.
"Can you give me a one-pound lawyer's brain? Ever since I was a little girl
I've dreamed of being a trial attorney."
"That's $250,000," the doctor replied.
"Why so much? the woman asked. "That's over four times what a surgeon's brain
costs."
"Do you have any idea how many lawyers it takes to produce a pound of brain?"
the doctor replied.
Keep Off the Grass
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk
rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a Mohawk, a variety
of tattoos and strange clothing.
It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "keep off the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said:
"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "keep off the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said:
"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Heart Attack
An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very
happy marriage ... he had a heart attack.
The doctor advised him to cut out sex to prolong his life.
He went home, and he and his wife discussed the matter at length, and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs, to save them both from temptation.
One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex wasn't worth living for, and so he headed upstairs.
He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming up to die."
She laughed and replied. "I was coming down to kill you."
The doctor advised him to cut out sex to prolong his life.
He went home, and he and his wife discussed the matter at length, and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs, to save them both from temptation.
One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex wasn't worth living for, and so he headed upstairs.
He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming up to die."
She laughed and replied. "I was coming down to kill you."
Hearing Aids
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
Health Plan
A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital. She walks past a room where a
man is vigorously masturbating.
The intern asks the doctor, "Why is that man doing such a thing in the open?"
The doctor replied, "Oh, he has a medical condition where the sperm build up quickly in his body. He has to jack off constantly or he will explode."
The intern says, "Oh, I see."
They walk past another room where the intern sees a man lying on a stretcher getting a blow-job from a nurse.
This time she asks the doctor, "What's with that?"
The doctor replies, "Same condition, better health care plan."
The intern asks the doctor, "Why is that man doing such a thing in the open?"
The doctor replied, "Oh, he has a medical condition where the sperm build up quickly in his body. He has to jack off constantly or he will explode."
The intern says, "Oh, I see."
They walk past another room where the intern sees a man lying on a stretcher getting a blow-job from a nurse.
This time she asks the doctor, "What's with that?"
The doctor replies, "Same condition, better health care plan."
Headache Remedy
The two housewives were drinking coffee together.
"On my way over here," said Louise, "I developed an awful headache.
Do you have any good remedies?"
Her friend Martha responded:
"When I get a headache, my husband is the best remedy. He rubs my shoulders, then the back of my neck, caresses my breasts while kissing my tummy, and... Well, you can guess the rest.
In no time at all he's soothed the pain away. You should try it!"
"I'd love to," her friend replied. "What time does your husband get home?"
"On my way over here," said Louise, "I developed an awful headache.
Do you have any good remedies?"
Her friend Martha responded:
"When I get a headache, my husband is the best remedy. He rubs my shoulders, then the back of my neck, caresses my breasts while kissing my tummy, and... Well, you can guess the rest.
In no time at all he's soothed the pain away. You should try it!"
"I'd love to," her friend replied. "What time does your husband get home?"
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