One day this lady goes into a plastic surgeon's office. She wanted something
that would take away the wrinkles in her face. The doctor suggested that they
put a screw in her head and every time she wanted the wrinkles out of her face
she would tighten the screw. The lady agreed to this idea and went home with a
screw in her head.
About a month later the lady came in complaining that the screw wasn't
working.
"look at these bags under my eyes, they're hideous! I want my money back!"
"Listen lady," said the doc, "those bags are your breasts and if you keep
tightening that screw all the time you're soon gonna have a beard!"
Samples for the Doctor
One day an old man got really sick so his wife went to the doctor and told
him that her husband had a lack of energy, a cough, and couldn't get an
erection. The doctor said that there was nothing that he could do until he had a
stool, urine, and sperm sample from the man.
When the old woman got home to her husband, he asked, "What did the doctor say?"
She responded, "He wants a pair of your underwear."
When the old woman got home to her husband, he asked, "What did the doctor say?"
She responded, "He wants a pair of your underwear."
Same Doctor II
A lady wanted bigger breasts, so she went to her doctor to get a referral to
a plastic surgeon.
Her doctor said he would like her to try an exercise before surgery or drugs, and see how it works first. He stood up to demonstrate, held his arms straight out to the side, rotated them counterclockwise, and said, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if I do this enough, I'll have a big bust." The doctor had her try it. The told her to do it as often as she can, and to come back in a week.
One week later, she's back at the doctor, and tells him that it didn't work. The doctor asks her how often she did the exercise, she says 4-5 times a day. The doctor tells her to do it more, 30 times a day at least, and asks her to come back in 1 week. She tries this, performing the exercise whenever she can.
One day, as she waited to check out at Safeway, she started her exercise. "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if I do this enough, I'll have a big bust."
The man in front of her turns around, asks if she sees Dr. Johnson. "Yes, how did you know?" she queries.
The man faces her, places both hands on his hips, moves his hips in a circular motion, and says, "Hickory dickory dock......."
Her doctor said he would like her to try an exercise before surgery or drugs, and see how it works first. He stood up to demonstrate, held his arms straight out to the side, rotated them counterclockwise, and said, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if I do this enough, I'll have a big bust." The doctor had her try it. The told her to do it as often as she can, and to come back in a week.
One week later, she's back at the doctor, and tells him that it didn't work. The doctor asks her how often she did the exercise, she says 4-5 times a day. The doctor tells her to do it more, 30 times a day at least, and asks her to come back in 1 week. She tries this, performing the exercise whenever she can.
One day, as she waited to check out at Safeway, she started her exercise. "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if I do this enough, I'll have a big bust."
The man in front of her turns around, asks if she sees Dr. Johnson. "Yes, how did you know?" she queries.
The man faces her, places both hands on his hips, moves his hips in a circular motion, and says, "Hickory dickory dock......."
Same Doctor
A woman went to the doctor asking for bigger breasts. The doctor gave her the
choice of either having an implant or wearing a special bra. When you flap your
arms up and down, the bra inflates. Of course, the woman chose the bra.
The next day she went to a bar to try the new bra out. She saw an attractive man sitting at the bar. Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man and he started flapping his legs.
"I see we have the same doctor," said the man.
The next day she went to a bar to try the new bra out. She saw an attractive man sitting at the bar. Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man and he started flapping his legs.
"I see we have the same doctor," said the man.
Rain Boots
A little dwarf lady goes into her doctor's office complaining of an irritated
crotch. After an examination the doctor sighs, "I don't seem to see any problem.
Does it get better or worse at any time?"
"Yeah, its really bad whenever it rains." she replies.
"Well, then," says the Doc, "Next time it rains, get in here at once, and we'll take another look at it."
Two weeks later its raining really hard, and the little lady shows up at the doctor's office.
"Doctor, it's really bad today. Please you have to help me!!"
"Well, let's have a look," he says as he lifts her up onto the table.
"Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse bring me a surgical kit. Don't worry ma'am this won't hurt a bit."
The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation.
The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. "There you go, ma'am, try that."
She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, "That's great, Doc, what did you do?!"
To which the doctor replied, "I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots."
"Yeah, its really bad whenever it rains." she replies.
"Well, then," says the Doc, "Next time it rains, get in here at once, and we'll take another look at it."
Two weeks later its raining really hard, and the little lady shows up at the doctor's office.
"Doctor, it's really bad today. Please you have to help me!!"
"Well, let's have a look," he says as he lifts her up onto the table.
"Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse bring me a surgical kit. Don't worry ma'am this won't hurt a bit."
The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation.
The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. "There you go, ma'am, try that."
She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, "That's great, Doc, what did you do?!"
To which the doctor replied, "I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots."
Premature Ejaculation
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to
the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem. In
response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate
try startling yourself".
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife. At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well...when I fired the pistol my wife crapped on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife. At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well...when I fired the pistol my wife crapped on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"
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