Nelson, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding.
Wouldn't you know, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand & motioned him to
the side of the bridge. Nelson pulled over like a good citizen. The cop walked
up to the window and said,
"You know how fast you were going,
BOY?" Nelson thought for a second and said, "Uhh, 60?"
"67 mph, son! - 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already
knew, officer" replied Nelson, "Why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Nelson's answer, the officer growled, in his normal sarcastic
fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good close look at Nelson, in his stained fishing attire and
said, "You don't even look like you have a job!
Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!" Nelson answered,
"I've got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, smelling Nelson's fish catch, said, "What kind
of a job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Nelson.
"What you say, BOY?" asked the
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does
a rectum stretcher do?"
Nelson explained, "People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I
go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more,
and then one whole hand, then two. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther
apart until it's a full six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked "What the hell
do you do with a six foot asshole?"
Nelson nonchalantly answered, "You give it a radar gun and stick it at the
end of a bridge!"