Speeches to the Deaf Society

An Englishman , a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleague's starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin.

When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies...and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started: Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his
chest and his groin.

When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.

When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying "Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."

Russian Baby

Morris and Becky were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. 

The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

Rain or Snow

One day, a Russian couple are walking down the street, trying to find some black bread to go with there cabbage soup, when the husband says, "Did you just feel rain there?"

"No, I thought it felt more like snow", replied his wife and, as these things go in married life, it developed into an argument.

Just then, a communist party official walked by. "Lets ask Rudolph if it is officially raining or snowing today", suggested the woman.

So they asked. "Today it is officially raining", said the Rudolph, and walked away.

"I still thought it was snow", moaned the mans wife, to which he replied," Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"