Doggie Style

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.

"Well... not exactly." his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well... not exactly...."

"I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."

Definition of Sex



to the meat SECTION,


without OBJECTION,

hopefully, no INFECTION

Dead Pussy

One night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife.

"How lovely dear" she said, "what's the occasion?"

"I want to make love to you" he said simply.

"Not tonight, dear. I have a headache."

The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and explained that he wanted to make love with her.

"I'm awfully tired, honey" said his wife. "Not tonight."

Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his wife's answer was no. Finally he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife.

"How adorable Jerry" she exclaimed. "But what are they for?"

"These are six little pallbearers for your dead pussy."

Can't Get Enough

A young farmer is newly married, and the couple can't get enough sex. Just before leaving the house for the fields at dawn, they tear make love, and when he returns home at evening they have another go - before and after supper, and maybe a couple more during the night. 

The problem is during the day, the fields are a long way from the house and the young man loses so much time traveling home and back again at noon, that he decides to consult a friend (the town's doctor) about what to do.

"Easiest thing in the world, Homer" says the doctor. "You take your rifle out with you every day don't you? Well, when you feel like you're in the mood for some lovin', just fire a shot into the air as a signal to your wife, for her to come out to you. That way you won't lose any workin' time."

Homer tries this and it seems to work pretty good for a while. One day though the doctor stops by the house to pay a visit and he notices Homer sitting alone inside looking very morose.

"What's wrong?" he asks. "Didn't my idea work? And where's your wife?"

"Oh, it worked," says Homer. "Whenever I got in the mood I fired off a shot like you said, and Beckie'd come runnin'. Then we'd find a secluded place and screw. Then Beckie'd go back home."

"So what's the problem?"

"Well I think I overdid it, Doc. I ain't seen hide nor hair of Beckie since the huntin' season got started..."

Bugger Missed

A priest and his friend Bob were playing golf. The priest was playing well on the day, but his friend was having difficulty with his putting. They reached the par 3, eighth, the priest hit a good shot, but Bob hit a peach of a shot, 18 inches from the hole. The priest putted up to the hole and tapped in, for his par, seeing his chance to pull a shot back. Bob stalked around sizing up the shot, he moved from side to side as he addressed the putt, when he was finally ready he took his stroke, and pulled it to the right, "Bugger!missed!" he exclaimed.

The priest was rather shocked at him swearing. "My son" he said "God hears all obscenities". Bob apologized and they continued to the ninth. Once again the priest was playing his normal steady game, but Bob was in trouble in the rough and had no chance of reaching the green. 

However, he played a miracle shot, got a lucky bounce and his ball rolled and rolled stopping less that 3 feet from the hole. With even more determination than at the previous hole, he line up his shot - every thing taken in to consideration - he putted it looked good - slowly it rolled to the hole and stopped. Bob threw his putter to the ground "Bugger! missed" even louder this time.

The priest looked at his head shaking no, "my son, God hears all obscenities" no sooner had he stopped talking the sky turned black, and a bolt of lightening streaked through the air, and killed the priest where he stood. Bob looked up and heard God exclaim "Bugger missed!"