The Great Oasis

Three men were walking in a desert, tired, hungry and thirsty they came upon an oasis with a great castle. Upon entering the castle the men found that there were no men at the castle, only countless beautiful women.

For about a week the three men enjoyed the harem of women, then one day the king of the castle returned with his army and upon paying a visit to his harem he found the three men and summoned his guards to line the men up against the wall.

The king approached the men and stated that each would be punished for his acts according to his chosen occupation.

He walked up to the first man and demanded to know his occupation, the man replied that he was a fireman. The king then said to his guard, "Burn off his penis."

This done the king then proceeded to the second man, "What is your occupation?"

Hesitating the man stated, "I'm a police officer."
At this the king ordered the guard, "Shoot off his penis."

With this done, he proceeded to the third man, "What is your occupation." With a smile on his face the man replied, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

The Barracks Door is Open

Mr. Larson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Larson, your barracks door is open."

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."