One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the
avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady
walking ahead of them.
One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give
$250.00 to spend the night with that woman."
Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around,
and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."
She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his
companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.
The following morning the man presented her with $125.00 as he prepared to
leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating "If you don't give me the
other $125.00, I'll sue you for it."
He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."
Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his
presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and
explained the details of the case.
His lawyer said "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such
grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."
After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as
follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property,
a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she
agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of
$250.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for
the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid
only $125.00, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive,
since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the
defendant to assure payment of the balance."
The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had
presented the case. His defense, therefore was somewhat different from the way
he originally planned to present it. "Your honor," he said, "my client agrees
that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a
time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my
client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk
a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim
these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount,
and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said
property.
We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."
The young lady's lawyer answered thus "Your honor, my client agrees that the
defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known
that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon
evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft,
and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment
through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his
occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask
that judgment be granted."
In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "pay the $125.00 or
have the equipment detached and provided to the plaintiff for damages."
The defendant wrote a check immediately!
Accused of Theft
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client
to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knows
his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
What's Daddy for
"Mummy, where do babies come from? "The stork, dear."
"Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?" "The police, dear."
"Mummy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?" "The fire department, dear."
"Mummy, where does food come from?" "Farmers, dear."
"Mummy?" "Yes, dear?" "What do we need Daddy for?"
"Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?" "The police, dear."
"Mummy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?" "The fire department, dear."
"Mummy, where does food come from?" "Farmers, dear."
"Mummy?" "Yes, dear?" "What do we need Daddy for?"
Two Young Brothers
There were two young brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly
mischievous.
Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them.
Hearing about a rabbi nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to her husband that she would ask the rabbi to talk with the boys and he agreed.
The mother went to the rabbi and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent the younger to the rabbi.
The rabbi sat the boy down across his HUGE, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the rabbi pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Young man, where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, then said nothing.
Again, louder, the rabbi pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again, the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the rabbi leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked,
"Young man, I ask you, where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We're in Bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-g trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, 'BIG trouble?'"
His brother replied, "I'm tellin' ya', we're in BIG trouble. God is missing and they think we did it!!!"
Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them.
Hearing about a rabbi nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to her husband that she would ask the rabbi to talk with the boys and he agreed.
The mother went to the rabbi and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent the younger to the rabbi.
The rabbi sat the boy down across his HUGE, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the rabbi pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Young man, where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, then said nothing.
Again, louder, the rabbi pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again, the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the rabbi leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked,
"Young man, I ask you, where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We're in Bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-g trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, 'BIG trouble?'"
His brother replied, "I'm tellin' ya', we're in BIG trouble. God is missing and they think we did it!!!"
Twelve Pack
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the
condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of
condoms.
The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? You'll need that when you're in high school.
You'll have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night."
The son then asks his father, "What's the 6 pack for?"
The father replies, "Well, you'll need the 6 pack when you're in college. You'll have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."
"Well then," replies the son, "what the heck would anyone ever do with a 12 pack?"
The father answers, "That's for married folks, son. You'll need 1 for January, 1 for February..."
The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? You'll need that when you're in high school.
You'll have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night."
The son then asks his father, "What's the 6 pack for?"
The father replies, "Well, you'll need the 6 pack when you're in college. You'll have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."
"Well then," replies the son, "what the heck would anyone ever do with a 12 pack?"
The father answers, "That's for married folks, son. You'll need 1 for January, 1 for February..."
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