There was a father who was very close to his son. They used to go everywhere
together including picking up women, which they referred to as "calling
chickens". One day, the son decided to go overseas for study.
The father was very supportive. Before his son left, the father told the son,
" We cannot call chicken" together for the next few years. However, if you need
to call chicken, please go ahead and I will pay for it. But please state the
expense as 'Shooting Birds' so that your mom will not suspect."
So the son left. For the first month, the father received the bill from the
son (shooting bird - $1000). Subsequently for the next few months, the bill for
shooting bird is above $1000. The father could not tolerate any more, so he
wrote to his son. "Son, you have been shooting too expensive bird, try some
cheaper ones"
A month later, the father received another bill from his son. It wrote:
"Shooting Bird - $50, Rifle Repair - $2,000"
Sexy Fashion Model Neighbor
The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams,
but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to
borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it
always took him way too long to return.
One time the wife had had enough and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine.
Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell.
When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why it is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."
"Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't helping none either."
One time the wife had had enough and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine.
Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell.
When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why it is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."
"Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't helping none either."
Proper Perspective
Dear Mother and Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute.
He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.
Yours-
Your Loving Daughter
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute.
He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.
Yours-
Your Loving Daughter
Pregnant Wife
Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep
on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily,
for he has been desperate for quite a while now...
Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curls up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire...
Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of the cabinet, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to him, "Awww, my honey is so depressed... here, take this and go to the woman next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight... and remember that this happens only once... ok?... don't think about it again."
The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife and says with much disappointment,
"She said this is not enough, she wants sixty."
The wife's face slowly turns red with anger, "Damn that bitch... when she was pregnant and her husband came over here... I only charged him fifty."
Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curls up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire...
Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of the cabinet, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to him, "Awww, my honey is so depressed... here, take this and go to the woman next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight... and remember that this happens only once... ok?... don't think about it again."
The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife and says with much disappointment,
"She said this is not enough, she wants sixty."
The wife's face slowly turns red with anger, "Damn that bitch... when she was pregnant and her husband came over here... I only charged him fifty."
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