Interpreting Dreams

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"

I'm Going

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going."

He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free".

He pondered that, then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch with his wife.

She said "And just where do you think you are going?"

He replied "I'm going too".

"Why?" She asked. He said "I want to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year".

Have Some Cents

The daughter was talking to her mother about her upcoming divorce.

Her mother asked "Why would you want a divorce? You have the perfect husband, the perfect house, ..."

The daughter interupted, "Well, mom, let me put it this way, my asshole used to be like a dime, now it's like a half dollar."

And the Mother said "So what, you're going to get a divorce over 40 cents?"

Hard Worker

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser." "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

Going Fishing

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife... Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog. The wife grimaces... But I don't like fishing! Look! We're going fishing and that's final. Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go! Right I'll give you three choices...
1 You come fishing with me and the dog...
2 You give me a BLOW JOB....
3 or you take it up the ass!"

The wife grimaces again... But I don't want to do any of those things! Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!

The wife sits and thinks about it.. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back...Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass? The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind. O.K. I'll give you a blow job! Great! He says and drops his trollies....

The wife is on her knees doing the business.. she stops...looks up at her Husband... Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!

Yes! says her husband 'The dog didn't want to go fishing either.