Japanese Torpedo

During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something - at least they would die laughing.

The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick against the table?"

The crew burst laughing. So the navigator pulled his dick out and whammed it on the table.

Just when the dick hit the table, a huge explosion tore the ship apart.

The only survivors were the captain and the navigator. As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator, "Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?"

The navigator told him how he hit his dick against the table.

The captain replied, "Well, in the future you better be careful with that dick of yours. The torpedo missed!"

Fido the Police Dog

Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the beat.

They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning and forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them."

George replied, "We don't have to go back. Just give Fido my trusty police dog one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."

It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog.

Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing,

Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.

Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido. Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.

Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.

Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder.

Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's balls in his mouth!

Doing 69 at a 35 MPH Zone

A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to gets ome what passionate. So they decided to pull over and park and have some fun. Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. 

All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window.

The cop could hardly contain himself. "Didn't you know that you are not supposed to be having sex in public?" he asked the couple. Being embarrassed at being caught said yes and apologized.

"Well, he said, I will have to write you a ticket." So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behavior.

After getting dressed the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for. He responded..."doing 69 in a 35 mph speed zone!!"

Cop on Horseback

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid says, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the ass on the back of the horse, instead of on top."