Talking Parrot II

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and found a beautiful parrot.

"Does this parrot talk?" she asked.

"Yes, he does," the manager told her.

"But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?", she asked.

"Well, ma'am," the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whore house and his language is terrible."

"Well, I want him anyway," she said.

"Suit yourself," the manager shrugged.

When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird.

The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye and said, "New house, new madam."

Hillary laughed.

Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird.

"New house, new whores," the parrot observed.

At first they were offended, but when Hillary explained about the bird's history, they too, laughed at him. After a while the President entered the living quarters.

The parrot said, "Hi Bill."

Talking Parrot

A person wanted a parrot who talked. Going to the pet store, this lover of talking parrots asked if there was a bird who was already speaking.

"Yes," the pet store owner said, "this bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words plus 50 phrases guaranteed to fit most occasions." The deal was made & the parrot was brought home complete with a cage. The next day the purchaser went back & said the parrot had yet to say a word.

"That's to be expected," said the pet shop owner. "Try getting the bird a few of the toys that were here for the bird to use in the shop. It just needs to feel at home with you." Toys were purchased & a day went by. The parrot's owner returned & said there still had been no talking.

"I see," said the pet shop owner. "Perhaps if you got a bird bath, the parrot would start to talk while using it." A bird bath was purchased & yet another day went by. The next day the owner was back with the same complaint. This time the pet shop owner mentioned that sometimes the bird had been praised in its training by being allowed to ring a little bell. The parrot's owner bought the bell reluctantly. The following day the parrot's owner was there waiting as the store opened.

"Still no luck?" asked the store owner.

"No. Nothing said yet," answere the bird's owner.

"Well, I bet the bird's just lonesome for some of the birds here at the shop."

"What?!? You want me to buy another bird!?!" yelped the unhappy owner of the parrot.

"No, no, calm down," reassured the store owner. "All you have to do is get a mirror & the bird will think it has a companion." At last the sale of a mirror was agreed upon. The pet store owner the next day opened the store & found the troublesome customer had returned...this time with the parrot, only it was dead!

"What happened?" asked the store owner, "Didn't the bird ever talk?"

"Yes, right before it died it said: What's the matter? Don't they sell birdseed at the petstore anymore?"