Travelling Salesman

Traveling salesman stops at a hillbilly farmhouse to sell some wares. While he's there a fierce storm comes up, and the farmer invites him to spend the night.

However, as there wasn't a spare bedroom, the salesman would have to sleep in the same room as the farmer's daughter--on the condition that if any hanky-panky went on and the daughter got pregnant, the salesman would have to marry her.

The salesman eyes the daughter, who has the body of a goddess but the head of a javelina, and figures out that he's being set up for a shotgun wedding. But he didn't want to brave the night's storm, so he agreed to the farmer's terms.

The next morning, the family is sitting around the breakfast table. The father asks the daughter, "Did he do it last night, girl?"

"Sure did, Pa."

"Excellent!" says the father. "If it's a boy, we'll call him John." "And if it's a girl," says the mother, "we'll call her Martha."

About that time the salesman came into the room holding a condom and grinning. "Well," he says, "if the little bastard gets out of this, we'll call him Houdini."

Tickle Me Elmo Doll

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her, she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.

On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. 

Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.

The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady,  I said to give each doll Two----Test----Tickles."