Stretching a Dime

A Ukrainian and a Jew were discussing how far each could make a dime reach, and agreed to try it and meet a few days later to see who'd get the most out of a dime.

The Jew bought a cigar, and smoked one-third the first day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the second day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the third day and again saved the ashes, and on the fourth day he gave the ashes to his wife to use as fertilizer on 
 her roses. He told the Ukrainian, "I know you can't beat that for stretching a dime."

The Ukrainian said, "I got you beat. I bought a Polish sausage for a dime, and the first day I ate one-half, and on the second day I ate the other one-half. The third day I used the skin for a rubber, and the fourth day I took a sh*t in the skin and sewed it back up. The fifth day I took it back to the butcher and told him it smelled like shit. He agreed with me and gave me my dime back."


An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious by the silence that they don't get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain speaks, " I don't like Chinese. "

The First Officer replies, " Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why ees that?

"The Captain says, " You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese. "

The F.O. says, " Nooooo, noooo....... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That Japanese, not Chinese.

And the Captain answers, " Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese.. it doesn't matter, they're all alike. "

Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally the F.O. says, " No like Jew. "

The Captain replies, " Why not? Why don't you like Jews? "

F.O. says, " Jews sink Titanic. "

The Captain tries to correct him, " No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg. "

The F.O. replies, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, no mattah.. all same.