Eating Out in London

A Texan, a Russian, and a guy from New Jersey are all in a restaurant in London.
When the waiter arrived at the table he said, "Excuse me, but due to our "Mad Cow" disease here in England, if you order the steak, you might not get one, as there is a shortage".

To which the Texan replied, "What's a shortage?"
...and the Russian replied, "What's a steak?"
...and the guy from New Jersey said, "What's "Excuse Me?"

Drunk Irishman

An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs.

When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"How did you know?" he asks.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."