Too Hot to Wear Clothes

A woman woke up one brutally hot Sunday and complained to her husband.

"I can't stand wearing clothes on a day like this. What do you think the neighbors would do if I worked in the garden in the nude?"

"They'd say." The husband replied with a smile, "That I married you for your money."

Tired of Being Pregnant

A wife has been married for seven years, has six kids and is tired of being pregnant. So, she goes to talk to her priest and the priest tells her to go buy a ten gallon bucket and stick her feet in it at night. She thanks him and goes off to do as he says.

Six months later, the priest sees her and, sure enough, she is pregnant again. The priest asks her, "Didn't you follow my instructions?" She said, "Yes, but that I could not find a ten gallon bucket, so I bought two five gallon buckets."

Tiger Woods

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods? The golfer?"
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, he gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" says the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

"What are you doing?" she says. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get
room service to get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I was just going to call Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole..."