Measuring Height

A group of men were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole.
So the men go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures. They're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.

A woman comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the woman has gone, one man turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like a woman! We're looking for height and she gives us the length!"

Meaningful Conversation

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, 

"May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those divorce's."

The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."

The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, 

"Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."

The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it in church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"

And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."