Two Black Eyes

A man came to work Monday with two black eyes. "Where did you get them black eyes?" a co-worker asked.

"In church," the man replied. "As we were standing," the man continued, "I noticed the dress of the woman in front of me was stuck up the crack of her ass. So, I pulled it out. She turned and belted me in the eye."

"Well, how did you get the second black eye?"

"Evidently, she didn't like me pulling her dress out of the crack of her ass, so I pushed it back."

What's a Monica

A guy walks into his local bordello and picks out a girl. They go back to her room and start to discuss prices.

She says, "It's $100 for a blow job, $200 for straight sex, and $250 for a Monica."

"What's a Monica?" he asks.

"That's where I blow you now and screw you later," she answers.