Presidential Answering Service

Thank you for calling the White House. You have reached the White House voice mail system. No one is available to take your call at this time because the entire administration is out to lunch.

Please follow these instructions carefully to leave your message. When you are finished, don't hang up until the FBI finishes tracing the call. Have a nice day.

If you are male and would like to leave a message for the president, press 9.

If your are female and would like to leave a message for the president, press M-O-T-E-L-6.

If you are male and would like to leave a message for Chelsea, press N-O-W-A-Y.

To leave a message for Buddy, press D-O-G.

To leave a message for Socks, press D-O-G-F-O-O-D.

To leave a message for Roger Clinton, press A-A.

To leave a message for Ted Kennedy, Press 7-A-N-D-7.

If you are calling to arrange a night in the Lincoln bedroom, press D-O-L-L-A-R.

If you are calling to arrange a White House coffee, pres Y-E-N.

If you are calling to support Hillary's birth control program, press F-R-I-G-I-D.

If you are calling leave a message for Janet Reno, press W-A-C-O.

To leave a message for a member of Congress, press B-I-G-D-O-N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

To leave a message for the Gore2000 campaign, press H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S.

If you wish to make a complaint, press B-I-T-E-M-E.

To speak to an operator, press O.

To speak to a slick operator, stay on the line and the President will answer your call shortly.

Politicians on a Bus Accident

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."

The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."